[ He nods first, since the rarity is roughly similar to his own experience. However, the rest absolutely is not. ]
My... You must have called out to an especially whimsical one. Did they ask anything of you?
[ So much so that Sebastian nearly laughs, since it's just so very much the opposite of how his own summonings went. Of course, it's no minor thing to Matt, so he keeps that reaction to himself. Instead, he elaborates. ]
Not to minimize the experience, of course. It is more the fact that you would not have even be able to summon most of the ones I know simply because you wished to see if you could. Certainly not myself. [ A shrug ] Hopefully this does not sound like bragging, but I am no minor demon to summon, though. So my terms are not exactly typical.
[ Matt ... very much does not begrudge Sebastian this response. He looks a little chagrined, in fact. ]
Well, actually, [ he clarifies, ] I didn't summon it. I mean, maybe in a very semantic sense? I did this ritual and drew my circle and spilled some blood, and nothing happened, so I figured I'd fucked it up. Went to bed.
And then I had this dream where the demon showed up. It didn't ask anything of me, exactly, but it definitely had some choice words about how stupid and presumptuous I'd been to try calling it. [ His lips twitch. ] Which I can't exactly disagree with.
Ah, yes. That does sound a bit more along the lines of what I would have expected.
[ Here, he laughs without feeling the need to stifle it, though it's not mocking so much as lightly amused. After all, minus leaving the mark, that is what he would have done if he had heard the call at all. Coming to the mortal world was a difficult task, but entering their dreams was much easier. ]
So, yes, lucky indeed, I would say. By our standards, that was very nearly kind, in fact... But also luckily, summonings are a rather tricky business anyways. If you are not prepared to meet the most basic terms of what summoning a particular demon would require, then we cannot appear. Call it a safety measure from the powers that be, if you would like.
[ Matt's expression shifts from chagrined to tolerantly rueful. He doesn't feel like the demon was kind to him. But then, "by our standards" is probably the key phrase there. He's read in books that malign spirits don't share the same set of principles that humans tend to. How could they? Their own formation, their existence, every facet of their reality, is so sharply different from what it means to be a guy growing up in Palo Alto. Matt and Sebastian just tested that for themselves.
After a moment, he frowns in thought. ]
What do you mean by the most basic terms?
I'm wondering if it's a commonality between the places we came from, like-- [ His nose wrinkles. ] --whatever that means when we started on different planes to begin with. Or if the rules are different. Or if I just never got my hands on the right occult resources, which is totally possible.
[ He nods, and the amusement at least easily slips away as he starts to explain. It's a topic he always enjoys speaking about in general, but especially so here in Horos since it's just as Matt says. It's not the same with everyone, and it's something that he's quite interested in. ]
Oh, they very well may be different. Speaking to M, the rules he abode by were quite different from my own, and speaking to another who encountered a demon, it seemed there were differences there as well. So indeed, you would have to take my world personally with a grain of salt, as who knows if the world we came from had the same rules. But naturally, I do find those differences intriguing.
[ He gestures generally as he explains, though the tone of his voice does cool as it drifts into more serious territory, as well as a touch darker. It was simply the nature of his contracts in particular, after all. ]
To truly summon a demon, there are two prices that must be paid. [ And of course to match, he holds up a finger ] First is the "cost" to bring us to your world. Crossing the river is not free, and we cannot pay the price, save for special circumstances. For that, one needs to forsake the light. Commit a great sin and spit upon God, and that is enough for us to be called. Traditionally, it is a human sacrifice, but it cannot be just any person, which is why most do not work. It must be far graver than simply random murder.
[ He holds up the second finger ]
And then there is the matter of payment. Demons are as diverse as humans, so they may ask for different things and shall give different things in return. A firstborn child, fealty in life and in death, or, in my case, the soul of the one who summoned me. Before we ever step foot in your realm, we know if the person calling our name is willing to pay that price. But in return, you have our power. Part of why I can create anything I wish is because I offer humans their wishes. Should they wish to be the king of an entire realm, win the heart of the one they love unrequited, or live in luxury, surrounded by money and treasure from all over the world, that is what I can give them, so long as they will give me their soul in return once our agreement is completed.
[ Sebastian lowers his hands to fold them back into his lap politely, though it comes with a shrug that's a little more casual. ]
...This being for a demon of my relative standing, at least. There are other ways to summon lesser demons, but they amount to more familiars than anything else. Their power is not so notable, so they are able to sneak out to your realm more easily.
As Matt combs through his memory of the crusty occult tomes he managed to dig up between San Francisco and Oakland, New York and London, Seattle and Vancouver--and of course, whatever the internet was willing to offer him. He recalls reams of sigils and their explanations, woodcuts ranging from ghastly to ridiculous, and of course, catalogs of names. Forneus is a great marquesse, like unto a monster of the sea, he maketh men woondeffull in rhetorike. Pucel speaketh verie darklie of things hidden, he teacheth geometrie and all the liberall arts. Murmur is a great duke and an earle, appearing in the shape of a--
What did Murmur appear as?
Ultimately, it was the supernal that attracted Matt more than the infernal. The cycles of life and death, the ecstatic machinery of the universe. Gods and prayers and the sacredness of breath. So some of what Sebastian has to say sounds familiar, and all of it sounds plausible. But he's never heard all of these pieces combined in quite this way. ]
Selling souls sounds familiar, [ he allows after a moment, in a curious murmur. ] I think I'd need mine for magic, though. I definitely wouldn't want to sell it to win someone's unrequited heart, that sounds fucking awful.
[ He blinks, glancing up to Sebastian with a smile. ]
But, ah ... if it really does work the same for both our worlds, then I see where I went wrong for sure. I'll give up a lot for the right goal, but the concept of spitting on God doesn't really resonate with me. Or "God" as a singular being it's possible to sin against? So yeah, skipped that step for sure.
But think of the "God" portion of the requirement more as an analogy. It need not be the capital "G" sort of God, but more the ideas connecting most any religion, that of darkness and of light. Most tell the story of Creation in such a way, after all. First was darkness, then came light. Humanity was itself born into the light, but the darkness is always there as well. That comes with many a variation as explanation, but for our purposes, the base metaphor is what matters. To summon a demon, you are embracing the darkness that came before. You may call it that, or sin, or whatever else. It is rejecting the light entirely.
[ Sebastian pauses for a moment, since he knows that was rather dense, but he also doesn't feel the need to stop there and wait for Matt to catch up either. It's clear enough that he's already well familiar with theology, so basics like this wouldn't trip him up, Sebastian assumes. The pause is more to let it settle in, and slightly for effect, since just as with reading the poetry, Sebastian is just very purposeful with how he speaks, when it comes down to it. ]
So my masters were very rarely people with anything but selfish intentions, though it is also unfair to say it is simply that. After all, what wish is great enough that you would forsake your spot at judgement day completely? I have served a priest-king of Uruk to see his enemies weakened to ensure his line of succession, a víkingr seeking safe passage across a fathomless sea, or most recently, a young boy who did not even mean to summon me, but wished to take revenge against the people that slaughtered his family. They are selfish, certainly. Their actions and dedication to see their wish realized caused suffering along the way, but there is a sort of nobility to their wishes that does seem more rational compared to the price.
[ Another pause, another shrug ]
...That is not to say I did not serve people with baser desires, of course. But naturally, I find it preferable to at least grant a more interesting, complex wish if I am to be their slave.
[ Matt immediately recognizes where Sebastian's going, so much so that he almost looks embarrassed. This was how they met, after all, exchanging notes on the darkness. Is he really so stuck in his own perspective, even after all these years, that a vaguely Judeo-Christian framing can make him forget what he knows? (What he's chosen, again and again.)
Still. He likes hearing Sebastian talk. He nods along, considering the modified explanation, and concludes that by most metrics, he didn't meet the standard. Maybe he could've if he'd made a sacrifice to Kali, to Kama--done something lefthanded like eaten a delicious meal in their honor or had a skeezy hookup--but that's purely hypothetical.
His expression softens as he considers the examples Sebastian's given. ]
There's something I respect about pure id. But yeah, if I were gonna be a slave, I'd want something interesting to do too.
[ With a pang, Matt recalls his vision of Howl as a child, wondering what could be so bad about heaven that demons would want to run away from it. ]
I don't really think those things sound selfish. Or ... I don't know, the first two could be a little narcissistic, maybe, and the last one is ... [ Heartbreaking. ] But they're all about something bigger than the person. And they know what they're giving up when they call you, right?
[ Sebastian's brow quirks curiously at the word "id", since it's a theory he's personally a few decades away from, but that's also rather quickly set aside. He's instead pleased that Matt picks up on why Sebastian had brought up those examples in particular. They are all about something bigger, and that is a matter of Sebastian's personal taste, very literally. But Ciel...
That rather enigmatic smile slips as Sebastian sighs and shakes his head. ]
Well, usually, yes. The most recent certainly did not mean to. It was exceptionally poor luck on his part, really, but he chose to make the best of a dire situation.
[ His expression turns difficult in a way that could easily be mistaken for a resigned sympathy, but it's not. It's really much stupider than that, so it's better for Matt to perceive it incorrectly... ]
It is rather vaguely defined what it truly means for a sin to be great enough to call to us, so usually it is far more... intentional, shall I say. Human sacrifice is common, but it was not my master's hand that plunged a knife into his brother's heart. That was the cult that had kept both of them as lambs for slaughter. But seeing his brother's murder, well. The hate he felt in that moment was enough. It was not a hate for the murderer, for the cult there, but for everyone who had wronged him and his family. A dark and honest part of him offered up his brother's soul for that power, even if unconsciously. And so, I appeared.
[ ...And he thought would make it an easy contract at the time. But no, very much the opposite, as Ciel had immediately made clear through bestowing the name "Sebastian" alone. Dwelling on that for even a moment gets Sebastian to breathe out a tiny sigh. ]
He was an exception in every way though, mind you. He was very much atypical from my usual sort of master, especially considering his age. [ He pauses, as if hesitating to add more, but then adds: ] ...But I do regret not being able to complete our Covenant before being dragged here. At a point, I became invested in finding the answer to his question beyond simply my reward for doing so.
[ Matt's expression dims as Sebastian goes on. It drains of most emotion, in fact, except a wan sort of horror. He's not surprised anymore by the cruelties of the world--sometimes at night, when he's lying in bed with loneliness spread around him like an occluding curtain, it's all he can think about. But it still hurts to hear.
(Sometimes he wants to ask the Regent, Did you used to take suffering personally? Did you feel everything wrong like a knife to the heart?)
He's too wrapped up in these thoughts to try to read Sebastian's face. But even if he made the effort, it's one thing to have an academic awareness that you're speaking to someone whose entire affect is a construct. Another to understand how to delve beneath its surface. ]
I see, [ Matt says after a long moment. ]
What was his question? I mean, apart from what you said about wanting revenge.
[ As Matt's expression dims, Sebastian's own softens in turn. It's a dark story, after all. Perhaps one of the darkest of any of his summonings, just because of the ruthless chance behind it, and even so, he didn't know all of it. Ciel never spoke to him of anything that happened before the day that he was summoned, but it was clear enough that there had been far more. The nights he had stood in silent vigil as a shadow to chase away his child master's nightmares said more than enough.
Like then, he lets the silence linger as long as it's needed. ]
That was the question. He wanted revenge on the people that had disgraced them. But he had no idea who they were. The entire household was murdered when they were taken, so what could there be for such a young child to know of his family's enemies? Who could be so cruel as to sell those children to their fate?
[ This time, Sebastian pauses, but it's only as he considers whether to say what he he truly wants. There's so much about Ciel's story in particular that fascinated him in a way that few other contracts had. There was all of the darkest parts of humanity all wrapped around this one young boy whose only real sin had been being unlucky and taking his hand. And yet, when Sebastian had left him? That boy had also taken every sin possible upon those small shoulders. Violence begets violence. It was so stark a thing to have witnessed, and in truth... It was exquisite.
...So he decides to be honest. ]
It may seem a touch ironic for me to say so... But humans are often far crueler than demons, in my experience.
[ Aha. Well, a kidnapping makes sense to him, at least in terms of how two little kids might have wound up in the position of sacrificial lambs. Bitterly, selfishly perhaps, Matt's annoyed at whoever the fuck this cult is. Trafficking children for some obscure sacrifice? That's exactly the shit gives magic users a bad name. Witches got dragged from their homes and thrown out of town in some parts of his world for even a wisp of rumor that they were hurting kids.
He tries to smile at Sebastian's observation. But he can't manage it: The most his lips do is twitch, like a crushed insect giving its last gasps. ]
No, [ he decides, ] that makes sense. [ For just a second, he feels so angry and devastated that he thinks he's going to cry. And Matt's so bad at disguising what he feels once he knows he feels it. But he goes someplace--the place he used to go when he got angry or upset in his teens and lights would flicker and pop in their bulbs, a place that feels like meditation, because only breath is real there. Only a gradually slowing pulse. And he doesn't cry. He's even steady as he says, ] It's like you said: Humanity is creative in a way demons aren't. And I don't know how you feel love, but ...
I wouldn't be surprised if that made us worse too.
[ As Matt reacts, Sebastian reaches out to gently place a hand on his shoulder. It's a light touch that's easy to pull away from or push off, since Sebastian isn't completely sure how Matt will take it. His suspicion is well, considering how touch played into starting this conversation in the first place, but he can never be sure. Still, it's a gesture that at least feels warm and reassuring, as is what he offers first. ]
My apologies. It is a dark subject, as summoning demons usually is, but I forget too that I truly do see the darkest parts of the human heart and am well used to it, in a way.
[ This feels like the depth of where this conversation can tread to, at least for now, so he withdraws. It's at least easy enough to do, because while the framing of it is still dark, "love" is hardly an uninteresting way to turn the conversation. ]
Perhaps so. Love is a complicated emotion. It can inspire both the very best and the very worst.
[ And if it was allowed to remain there, Sebastian withdraws his hand lightly. As it drifts to this, it feels somewhat untoward for the physical contact to remain, or perhaps it's a tease in itself. From him, it might as well be both. ]
But love is something I do not know, personally. It is not something I have ever felt, so it is possible that I am not able? I only know of its sharper edges in desire.
[ Matt was poised to keep retreating into himself, trying simultaneously to soothe himself and let insight scour him like salt. But the touch of Sebastian's hand, light though it is, is enough to pull him back to the surface. His emotions scatter, fragmenting and dissipating in its wake. Physical contact has always had its own gravity to Matt, an unutterable, inescapable truth. How can sadness stand up to that?
He exhales. ]
Oh ...
[ A slight smile--a real one, this time, as his shoulders straighten. ]
I don't know. I think desire is part of love. It's not everything there is, and it can definitely be acquisitive or--unevolved--but so can romantic love. People killing their partners, or even just being terrible when they get dumped or turned down. [ Did V love him? Matt's never been sure. He shrugs gently, as if to ward off the line of thought. ] But uh, maybe sometime, if you ever want to do the thing again, [ wiggling his fingers, ] I'll try to surface that for you. What love feels like to me.
[ Sebastian nods gently with a thoughtful expression, because he may not know it so intimately, but he had watched it. Whether through art or through reality, love and its pitfalls really was something that captured humanity more than they might like to admit. Yet unlike other motivators, it was one that was always beyond him, because it didn't come from a rational place. He could easily see where things like greed and arrogance came from, even if they led to irrational actions, but love—
The offer makes Sebastian laugh, but it's the warm, charming one this time, and the conversation is certainly taking a turn for the lighter now. ]
My, my, teaching a demon about "love"...? What a concept. You may very well have a very popular plot for a particular sort of writing on your hands, you know.
[ Sebastian can't help but tease, but there's no malice behind it, only coy playfulness. ]
But, yes, I would be interested indeed. I shall not impose upon you now, since I imagine with one such instance and my own cheerful chatter, it may be best to give you something of a break.
[ His expression smooths again as some of that playfulness goes, but not all. The corners of his eyes are still turned up in a nearly mischievous way, and there's a slight pause as he seems to want to say more. He does continue, but whether it was this or something else on his mind is impossible to know. ]
You are a rather exceptionally unusual person, you know. There are very few humans I have spoken to besides my masters that have known my nature, true, but I do not believe any of them have spoken to me as you do.
[ Matt sputters a laugh at the "particular sort of writing" remark. If it weren't for how recently he's been plucked from a well of anger and despair by gentle shoulder touches, he'd blush--he has one of those blushing faces, and despite the wide, wide range of people he's seen naked, he's never learned to become blase about intimacy and flirtation. Each person is so unique that nothing that happens between them ever feels like a foregone conclusion. The dance may be familiar, but each one feels to Matt like it's the first time.
He gets ahold of himself quickly, nodding in relief as Sebastian agrees that they'll put off further channel-opening until some later date. Matt's willing to trade a lot of personal information for a chance to peek beyond the veil, but sharing wears him out. For the moment, he smiles curiously. ]
Unusual?
[ Well, he's always felt like a weirdo. He's not sure that's what Sebastian means, though. Matt's expression softens. ]
[ Sebastian's smile continues to cool from the laugh back to something thoughtful, but it's definitely not as cold as the one that came with the previous topic. ]
Like equals. Or, close enough.
[ And there's much he could say to that, too. It was something that could be as foolish as summoning a demon just to see if one could, were he another of his brethren. But, there's hardly a need, since it very clearly doesn't apply to him at this point. ]
It is always one of two extremes. There is the deference and fear that comes with the truth of my being, naturally. No matter what sort of preconceptions someone has by the time they meet me, it may as well be meeting all monsters and nightmares at once. And if they want something from me, well, then I am the wicked king they have been waiting for, and they prostrate themselves before me.
[ He waves his hand dismissively to that, since a bit interestingly, he seems to dislike that sort of treatment. It's very much the opposite from what would be known of most demons. ]
...Or they are my master, and so I am their slave. My master's will is my own will, their desires my desires, at least so long as our agreement is in place. At best, it is a cordial, business relationship, at worst, adversarial as they try and slip out of our deal.
[ Sebastian gestures to Matt generally, since now his comparison is the focus. ]
You know perfectly well what I am, and yet, you neither fear me nor do you hold the chain of my collar. We can hold a conversation just as I would if I were carrying on the pretense of being human. It is an exceptionally rare thing.
[ Matt nods slowly, a flicker of warm amusement crossing his face at the phrase "wicked king." Maybe more than amusement. Either way, it's gone quickly, replaced by a more sober expression.
Like, he gets the deal-making paradigm in theory. But he doesn't like it. Slaves and masters seems like such a gross oversimplification of what the relationship between humans and spirits can be. Matt's asked plenty of them for help in his time, but he never saw it as commanding, or using them like mystical batteries. He'd sent out open, honest invitations, screening out those spirits with malign intent as best he could, and what resulted felt like genuine partnership. Like the partnerships he's had with humans: impermanent, but powerful. ]
To be fair, [ he notes, ] I wouldn't say that I don't fear you. But I don't know if I react to fear the way that I should.
Then I shall rephrase slightly to say that you certainly do not treat me with the typical presentation of fear I am used to. Why, to even see the portion of my true face as you have is enough to send even those who set out to worship me into hysterics. Though I am never sure exactly what they expects in such cases...
[ That's the source of most of his disdain, in fact, petty as it is. It always made him roll his eyes a bit when being summoned and being met with so much fear that it was paralyzing, since what did they expect, really? ]
Granted, Horos itself grants me much freedom to which I am not accustomed, so that plays a part as well. It is a novel experience to speak so freely in general.
[ Matt's lips twitch in rueful amusement. Despite how hypocritical it might seem coming from him, he kind of gets this. Like, what do people expect? He may have had his own demonic Expectation vs. Reality moment, but he was also a teenager at the time.
It's interesting to hear Sebastian talk about novel levels of freedom. Matt can't remember the last time he was as constricted as he feels here. His parents always insisted on a certain level of public decorum in the interests of protecting the family name, but on his own time, they rarely noticed what he did. He was able to summon that demon under their very roof. Horos is ... small. Harder to traverse than a 21st-century city replete with public transit, that's for sure. Even the pathways to information feel barred in many cases.
But on the other hand, he can be open about being a magic user here. That's something he's never had before. ]
That's good, then, [ he muses. ] I mean. I think it's good to be able to express yourself. Share your truth, all that kind of thing. Maybe you don't actually do it all the time, but the important part is having the option.
Well, I must admit, it is likely only good because I am rather fond of mortals. I do wonder if it is just good luck or intention that the demons we seem to have here are all well-behaved. Comparatively speaking, anyways.
[ He shrugs, since naturally, he prefers this. If he has to be around his kind while cavorting with humans (and adjacent), it's better that they're all the kind that prefer to operate in a similar way. Though he'd been irritated to discover his inability to form new contracts, it's likely for the best, considering how... territorial demons could get, very much himself included. ]
Of course, I can only speak for myself on this point, but having hobbies that tend towards the domestic also helps.
[ --before he's had time to think through the implications of what Sebastian's said. But even after a moment's thought, he still can't quite trace the A to B. Possibly because while he's a cleanly sort of person--he values the sensory too much not to be--he's decidedly undomestic. Objects in his spaces gravitate towards piles on desks or chairs, he can barely cook, etcetera. It's never occurred to him that a spirit might enjoy domesticity. It's also a bit counterintuitive to connect it to freedom of expression. ]
What kinds of hobbies interest you, exactly?
[ Matt technically had access to Sebastian's communing on the topic, but one can't notice everything. Especially Matt, who tries on principle to stay out of people's heads unless specifically, individually invited there. ]
[ Sebastian laughs gently, since with no pretense of being anything else but a demon, it absolutely has to come as a surprise. Why, it would have come as a surprise to him but a few years ago, odd as that still feels to consider. ]
Why, very nearly anything you can imagine underneath such a descriptor. Cleaning, laundry, gardening, preparing tea, sewing... I find them all to be very soothing activities.
[ It's not at all something that could be expected for a demon to admit to enjoying, and much less without a hint of reservation over doing so. If anything, there's pride in it, and especially as he gets to his favorite. ]
I find cooking to be my favorite, though. From fine dining for nobility to simpler dishes meant for a pastoral lifestyle, I find great enjoyment in it preparing an excellent meal. Ah, and dessert as well, naturally. My young master had a troublesome love of sweets, so I would nearly consider sweets my specialty above all else.
[ Matt is still thoroughly flabbergasted by this reveal, and the specifics don't actually do much to enlighten him, except insofar as he can agree that gardening and preparing tea are soothing activities. Maybe if the definition of "domesticity" is stretched to include crafting, of the sort Matt employs to enchant objects, he understands a little better.
At the same time, the fact that he's never imagined a spirit could enjoy doing laundry and doesn't totally get it only makes him more curious. Some of the spirits he's encountered seemed to like the sensation of having a physical body--or at least what they could experience of it through him. So what else might they be into? ]
Oh, [ he chuckles. ] "Troublesome" sounds right. But I guess if I could've commanded someone to make me snacks when I was a kid, I might've asked for mostly sugar too.
[ Matt technically could command people to make him snacks as a kid?? But his mother always checked in eventually. ]
That's interesting ... I think of cooking as something that's really creative. What's your process, are you thinking of things you've tasted before, or that your--contractee has?
[ Sebastian sighs deeply first, and he brings a hand up to his temple as he shakes his head as well. Rather than an ancient, wise demon, in this moment he's absolutely just a harried babysitter... ]
Why, and that would be fine, but I do imagine your tastes may not be as particular. No demands for a cacao brioche babka or an orange blossom and almond cake in particular. Or so I would hope, since it really was troublesome to have everything needed prepared for a dessert of his whims.
[ Now, granted, this is absolutely because Ciel was purposefully making Sebastian's life difficult. It's not unfair, considering the antagonism between them, but still, Sebastian will pettily complain about it all the same. This is only a tiny fraction of it as well, so it's good that Matt actually asks about something that's definitely more interesting to hear than the Very Difficult Life of Sebastian the Butler. ]
...Regardless. [ He even lightly ahems into his hand as he lowers it ] Cooking can be creative, yes, but not so much for me. It is simply following a recipe with how I cook... My sense of taste differs significantly from humans', so I do not deviate from what I know. At this point I at least objectively know enough of what sorts of ingredients and spices taste good to you, but for myself?
[ Matt chuckles in some surprise at the specificity--an orange blossom and almond cake actually sounds amazing, he'd forgotten those things ever existed. But his laughter fades as he focuses on Sebastian's answer. ]
Oh.
[ A frown. Matt's mind can't help flickering back to that moment of connection between them, to the hunger he'd felt as if it were his own. He hesitates, but only for a moment before his curiosity spurs him to ask: ]
Is there only ... the one thing that tastes good to you?
[ He nods, and he's once again struck by how well Matt takes the very idea. It isn't as if it's regarded flippantly, since how Matt's laughter faded said that well enough, but it's certainly handled with more neutrality than Sebastian is used to. Ciel had taken the prospect well, all things considered, but that was more for self-loathing than anything. Here, it's entirely different, and it's almost... Refreshing, he thinks? ]
If someone is feeling a particularly strong emotion, I can "taste" that as well? It is hard to describe, but it hangs in the air, so to speak, and there are some I favor over others. [ He makes a thoughtful noise, then adds: ] Well, and there is food in my realm that is palatable? But much as I find human cuisine foul, I am sure a human would find the same for demons. It is very... visceral, shall we say?
Well, human cuisine covers a pretty wide array of sins. Intestines, cheese with maggots on it. Fruit that smells like sewage.
But I can imagine some things that might be ... more visceral than the vast majority of us would go for.
[ He tips his head thoughtfully. He's relieved to hear there's something on this plane of existence that Sebastian likes tasting apart from souls. Being stuck here with nothing on your tongue but "foul" strikes Matt as akin to torture. He isn't exactly a foodie, but he has too much appreciation for the realm of the sensual to feel otherwise. ]
[ Sebastian nods with a troubled expression as Matt describes some of the more colorful foods humans like to indulge in, and it's clear that he's at least familiar with some of those offerings... Though it may just as much be for his own kind's offerings as well, since even if Sebastian finds them more palatable, he also considers himself a gourmand. It's why he goes through the trouble of covenants at all, since even if his stomach could be filled with "normal" offerings for demons, it was never the same.
It's why the question makes him smile. ]
...Normally, that is a rather difficult question to answer, because my answer always felt imprecise. In short, it is the darker feelings people are prone to. Hatred, despair, fury... All a bit stereotypical, I know, but such is my taste. [ He can at least make fun of himself a little bit in this regard ] But even so, that never feels like it captures the depth of what I experience. It feels a bit dull compared to what I experience to describe them so simply, but I had never been able to think of something more vivid.
[ "Until now" is clear enough in how he's phrased it, and so he shrugs very lightly. ]
What comes forth when one experiences the Kenoma... That is it.
[ Matt's lips twitch ruefully for 'stereotypical.' ]
Hey, stereotypes are popular for a reason. I like burgers and pizza, [ he offers, forgetting that there might be something of a cultural divide where those are concerned. That's all he says before quieting, though.
Once Matt hears the answer, he thinks he could have predicted it. Of course the Kenoma would encompass all that, and more--though Matt himself isn't drawn to hatred as a concept. Only love. Love for everything, not just the things that make themselves easy to love: for the wildfire raging its way across an overgrown forest, for maggots as they chew an animal corpse into usefulness. For peace, at the end, to everyone who needs it. ]
Well. That makes me happy, then. [ Another quick smile, this one his widest in recent minutes. ] Which I guess doesn't taste great, so sorry.
[ "Burger" causes his brow to quirk lightly yet again when faced with a new term, and pizza certainly brings a different flavor profile to mind... But ultimately, his expression settles into one of a soft kind of surprise. It probably reads as lightly doubting, but it's more perplexed than that. ]
Well, you needn't apologize. It must be far more intense than that for me to catch a note of it.
[ He'll at least come to humor first, though it may be a bit of a joke only for him. But after breathing out a laugh, the humor shifts to a curiosity that's more earnest. ]
...But does it really? [ There's a laugh breathed out again as just a note, though it's near incredulous. There's a disparity here, and it's clearly one Sebastian himself hasn't thought about at any length. ] Why?
[ Matt's relieved that normal-strength emotions don't seem to ping Sebastian. They all have more than enough of that as things stand. But it seems to surprise him when Sebastian laughs--it's a pleasant sound, but Matt hadn't thought about trying to explain himself. It's almost jarring to realize he's been thinking his own thoughts, and that Sebastian isn't privy to them.
He smiles, breathing a laugh of his own. Half sheepishness, half unconscious echo. ]
I don't ... like thinking of anyone stuck in an existence that has nothing to offer them.
I know our purpose here is to reset things. Sweep away the last of the rot. And I believe in that, but I don't think that has to mean-- [ His lips twitch. ] --you know, "no fun." Maybe there's a version of me in the future who'll be able to move towards a goal without anything but that to look forward to, but I definitely can't do it now.
[ Even a demon, he almost asks reflexively, but Matt's answer is obvious at this point. He cants his head lightly as he listens, and his smile tilts towards warmth, but it would be difficult to pick out what Sebastian is feeling from it.
In part, this is a misunderstanding, he's sure. It's an endearing thing about many humans that they can assume better of people, even when the truth is obvious before them. It's a weakness that demons of Sebastian's ilk exploited in different shades. Social as he was, his tended to be deceptions to hide the beast lurking underneath an alluring mask and careful, honeyed words.
But it wasn't being hidden very much, was it? Especially not to Matt, who didn't merely witness it, but felt it. It's the part he's stuck on, because it goes against his expectations in a fundamental way. It intrigues him, but in a distant sort of way only a creature as ancient as he could feel. Luckily, it's also more than enough to catch his interest. ]
I should hope not. Even enjoying cleaning as I do, that is an extraordinarily dull thing to be captivated by, I would say.
[ Of course, his own pensive thoughts are kept to himself. The enigmatic smile warms further to one that shows just a little bit of playful mischief in it. ]
Should you ever find yourself drifting in such a way, then we shall have to be sure to remedy it. There is always something offered, and I would call myself a bit of an expert at finding even rare pleasures, naturally.
[ Matt laughs, realizing he did totally forget to take all Sebastian's domestic hobbies into account. But on the other hand, he stands by that. The pleasure one can find in knitting or baking babkas isn't quite the same as the kind one takes in a jaw-dropping celestial event, or really good sex, or eating that babka and finding it tastes wonderful. Maybe not all of Matt's list there is sensual per se, but it's--bigger than a single person. Fulfilling, in a way you can touch. And sensations matter. Kama is, after all, one of the four pillars of human existence.
In the context of their current conversation, the phrase "rare pleasures" catches on his ear. Matt's pretty sure that's just him, rather than anything Sebastian's specifically intending to put across, but he can't help how his smile curls at the words. ]
I appreciate that, [ he says, sincerely. He glances up to meet Sebastian's gaze. His thoughts, from starry to heated, flicker across his face, but as usual, Matt isn't aware of just how transparent he is. ] I know I just said that I think we should have fun, but it's true it's not always easy to get into that mindset.
[ His words find their mark, though perhaps not as fully as Sebastian thinks. He's being purposefully beguiling, though it's not for any reason but his own whimsy, ultimately. It's his own form of fun to tease at flirtation, but it's also neatly tied up in the manners of a gentleman. Or at least partially. This would still be far too bold for the standards of etiquette he had come from, but being completely behold to them certainly felt out of place in Achamoth...
As those thoughts drift openly across Matt's face, there's the slightest of acknowledgements in return. It's no more than his lips pursing just slightly in knowing, a little crinkle at the corners of his eyes as they match the smile, but. He's a tease. It's a thread with a promise of perhaps another time, but still so subtle as to be second-guessed.
His smile brightens easily with warmth, and he nods in agreement. ]
So indeed, and especially in an environment so dour. [ He looks generally up, though there's nothing to see there ] To say nothing of our surroundings now, of course. Achamoth is so full of such a dour luxury is more what I mean than these somewhat pitiful surroundings.
[ ...Truly, why not let your favored pawns at least come back to life in a nicer place? He won't try and understand the Regent's methods at this point, but that is absolutely not a topic that he'll get into here, so he continues without missing a beat as he looks back down. ]
Why, perhaps you would be interested in joining me, now that I think of it. Once matters are settled here in Achamoth, I was thinking of taking a trip outside the city. There is much to see of Horos, and I should like to.
[ Matt likes that expression. He's past second-guessing and onto fourth- or fifth-, so he has no real thought that any of it's meant for him. But he can't help wanting what he wants, and consequently can't help warming to the crinkle at the corners of Sebastian's eyes, the lilt of his smile.
In the meantime, "dour luxury" prompts a sudden grin, distracting him. That's totally it: Achamoth contains within its walls pretty much any vice you could lust for, but a surprising number of its fruits are hidden from public view, leaving one's primary impression of the city one of severity. As for the Citadel itself, like so many of its denizens--like the one who shaped it, who sits in its throne room--it's business, business, business. ]
Oh.
[ Matt's smile shifts from broad and bright to something smaller, more private. A self-contained glow of pleasure. It's not just the invitation that pleases him (though it does, especially with the way his thoughts have been tending), but the prospect of open air, new sights. Getting out of this graveyard. Until Sebastian said it, Matt didn't realize how much he wanted that. ]
Yeah, [ he says slowly, ] that sounds like it could be really fun. Um. Let me know when you're going, and ...
[ There's things Matt could say here about the tactical wisdom of learning more about Horos. That's what you do in conflict, right? Try to get as much terrain advantage as you can? But he doesn't marshal any martial arguments; for now, it feels like enough to want to leave.
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no subject
My... You must have called out to an especially whimsical one. Did they ask anything of you?
[ So much so that Sebastian nearly laughs, since it's just so very much the opposite of how his own summonings went. Of course, it's no minor thing to Matt, so he keeps that reaction to himself. Instead, he elaborates. ]
Not to minimize the experience, of course. It is more the fact that you would not have even be able to summon most of the ones I know simply because you wished to see if you could. Certainly not myself. [ A shrug ] Hopefully this does not sound like bragging, but I am no minor demon to summon, though. So my terms are not exactly typical.
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Well, actually, [ he clarifies, ] I didn't summon it. I mean, maybe in a very semantic sense? I did this ritual and drew my circle and spilled some blood, and nothing happened, so I figured I'd fucked it up. Went to bed.
And then I had this dream where the demon showed up. It didn't ask anything of me, exactly, but it definitely had some choice words about how stupid and presumptuous I'd been to try calling it. [ His lips twitch. ] Which I can't exactly disagree with.
[ A pause. ]
I know I was lucky.
no subject
[ Here, he laughs without feeling the need to stifle it, though it's not mocking so much as lightly amused. After all, minus leaving the mark, that is what he would have done if he had heard the call at all. Coming to the mortal world was a difficult task, but entering their dreams was much easier. ]
So, yes, lucky indeed, I would say. By our standards, that was very nearly kind, in fact... But also luckily, summonings are a rather tricky business anyways. If you are not prepared to meet the most basic terms of what summoning a particular demon would require, then we cannot appear. Call it a safety measure from the powers that be, if you would like.
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After a moment, he frowns in thought. ]
What do you mean by the most basic terms?
I'm wondering if it's a commonality between the places we came from, like-- [ His nose wrinkles. ] --whatever that means when we started on different planes to begin with. Or if the rules are different. Or if I just never got my hands on the right occult resources, which is totally possible.
no subject
Oh, they very well may be different. Speaking to M, the rules he abode by were quite different from my own, and speaking to another who encountered a demon, it seemed there were differences there as well. So indeed, you would have to take my world personally with a grain of salt, as who knows if the world we came from had the same rules. But naturally, I do find those differences intriguing.
[ He gestures generally as he explains, though the tone of his voice does cool as it drifts into more serious territory, as well as a touch darker. It was simply the nature of his contracts in particular, after all. ]
To truly summon a demon, there are two prices that must be paid. [ And of course to match, he holds up a finger ] First is the "cost" to bring us to your world. Crossing the river is not free, and we cannot pay the price, save for special circumstances. For that, one needs to forsake the light. Commit a great sin and spit upon God, and that is enough for us to be called. Traditionally, it is a human sacrifice, but it cannot be just any person, which is why most do not work. It must be far graver than simply random murder.
[ He holds up the second finger ]
And then there is the matter of payment. Demons are as diverse as humans, so they may ask for different things and shall give different things in return. A firstborn child, fealty in life and in death, or, in my case, the soul of the one who summoned me. Before we ever step foot in your realm, we know if the person calling our name is willing to pay that price. But in return, you have our power. Part of why I can create anything I wish is because I offer humans their wishes. Should they wish to be the king of an entire realm, win the heart of the one they love unrequited, or live in luxury, surrounded by money and treasure from all over the world, that is what I can give them, so long as they will give me their soul in return once our agreement is completed.
[ Sebastian lowers his hands to fold them back into his lap politely, though it comes with a shrug that's a little more casual. ]
...This being for a demon of my relative standing, at least. There are other ways to summon lesser demons, but they amount to more familiars than anything else. Their power is not so notable, so they are able to sneak out to your realm more easily.
no subject
As Matt combs through his memory of the crusty occult tomes he managed to dig up between San Francisco and Oakland, New York and London, Seattle and Vancouver--and of course, whatever the internet was willing to offer him. He recalls reams of sigils and their explanations, woodcuts ranging from ghastly to ridiculous, and of course, catalogs of names. Forneus is a great marquesse, like unto a monster of the sea, he maketh men woondeffull in rhetorike. Pucel speaketh verie darklie of things hidden, he teacheth geometrie and all the liberall arts. Murmur is a great duke and an earle, appearing in the shape of a--
What did Murmur appear as?
Ultimately, it was the supernal that attracted Matt more than the infernal. The cycles of life and death, the ecstatic machinery of the universe. Gods and prayers and the sacredness of breath. So some of what Sebastian has to say sounds familiar, and all of it sounds plausible. But he's never heard all of these pieces combined in quite this way. ]
Selling souls sounds familiar, [ he allows after a moment, in a curious murmur. ] I think I'd need mine for magic, though. I definitely wouldn't want to sell it to win someone's unrequited heart, that sounds fucking awful.
[ He blinks, glancing up to Sebastian with a smile. ]
But, ah ... if it really does work the same for both our worlds, then I see where I went wrong for sure. I'll give up a lot for the right goal, but the concept of spitting on God doesn't really resonate with me. Or "God" as a singular being it's possible to sin against? So yeah, skipped that step for sure.
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[ Sebastian chuckles lightly as he shrugs ]
But think of the "God" portion of the requirement more as an analogy. It need not be the capital "G" sort of God, but more the ideas connecting most any religion, that of darkness and of light. Most tell the story of Creation in such a way, after all. First was darkness, then came light. Humanity was itself born into the light, but the darkness is always there as well. That comes with many a variation as explanation, but for our purposes, the base metaphor is what matters. To summon a demon, you are embracing the darkness that came before. You may call it that, or sin, or whatever else. It is rejecting the light entirely.
[ Sebastian pauses for a moment, since he knows that was rather dense, but he also doesn't feel the need to stop there and wait for Matt to catch up either. It's clear enough that he's already well familiar with theology, so basics like this wouldn't trip him up, Sebastian assumes. The pause is more to let it settle in, and slightly for effect, since just as with reading the poetry, Sebastian is just very purposeful with how he speaks, when it comes down to it. ]
So my masters were very rarely people with anything but selfish intentions, though it is also unfair to say it is simply that. After all, what wish is great enough that you would forsake your spot at judgement day completely? I have served a priest-king of Uruk to see his enemies weakened to ensure his line of succession, a víkingr seeking safe passage across a fathomless sea, or most recently, a young boy who did not even mean to summon me, but wished to take revenge against the people that slaughtered his family. They are selfish, certainly. Their actions and dedication to see their wish realized caused suffering along the way, but there is a sort of nobility to their wishes that does seem more rational compared to the price.
[ Another pause, another shrug ]
...That is not to say I did not serve people with baser desires, of course. But naturally, I find it preferable to at least grant a more interesting, complex wish if I am to be their slave.
no subject
Still. He likes hearing Sebastian talk. He nods along, considering the modified explanation, and concludes that by most metrics, he didn't meet the standard. Maybe he could've if he'd made a sacrifice to Kali, to Kama--done something lefthanded like eaten a delicious meal in their honor or had a skeezy hookup--but that's purely hypothetical.
His expression softens as he considers the examples Sebastian's given. ]
There's something I respect about pure id. But yeah, if I were gonna be a slave, I'd want something interesting to do too.
[ With a pang, Matt recalls his vision of Howl as a child, wondering what could be so bad about heaven that demons would want to run away from it. ]
I don't really think those things sound selfish. Or ... I don't know, the first two could be a little narcissistic, maybe, and the last one is ... [ Heartbreaking. ] But they're all about something bigger than the person. And they know what they're giving up when they call you, right?
no subject
That rather enigmatic smile slips as Sebastian sighs and shakes his head. ]
Well, usually, yes. The most recent certainly did not mean to. It was exceptionally poor luck on his part, really, but he chose to make the best of a dire situation.
[ His expression turns difficult in a way that could easily be mistaken for a resigned sympathy, but it's not. It's really much stupider than that, so it's better for Matt to perceive it incorrectly... ]
It is rather vaguely defined what it truly means for a sin to be great enough to call to us, so usually it is far more... intentional, shall I say. Human sacrifice is common, but it was not my master's hand that plunged a knife into his brother's heart. That was the cult that had kept both of them as lambs for slaughter. But seeing his brother's murder, well. The hate he felt in that moment was enough. It was not a hate for the murderer, for the cult there, but for everyone who had wronged him and his family. A dark and honest part of him offered up his brother's soul for that power, even if unconsciously. And so, I appeared.
[ ...And he thought would make it an easy contract at the time. But no, very much the opposite, as Ciel had immediately made clear through bestowing the name "Sebastian" alone. Dwelling on that for even a moment gets Sebastian to breathe out a tiny sigh. ]
He was an exception in every way though, mind you. He was very much atypical from my usual sort of master, especially considering his age. [ He pauses, as if hesitating to add more, but then adds: ] ...But I do regret not being able to complete our Covenant before being dragged here. At a point, I became invested in finding the answer to his question beyond simply my reward for doing so.
no subject
(Sometimes he wants to ask the Regent, Did you used to take suffering personally? Did you feel everything wrong like a knife to the heart?)
He's too wrapped up in these thoughts to try to read Sebastian's face. But even if he made the effort, it's one thing to have an academic awareness that you're speaking to someone whose entire affect is a construct. Another to understand how to delve beneath its surface. ]
I see, [ Matt says after a long moment. ]
What was his question? I mean, apart from what you said about wanting revenge.
no subject
Like then, he lets the silence linger as long as it's needed. ]
That was the question. He wanted revenge on the people that had disgraced them. But he had no idea who they were. The entire household was murdered when they were taken, so what could there be for such a young child to know of his family's enemies? Who could be so cruel as to sell those children to their fate?
[ This time, Sebastian pauses, but it's only as he considers whether to say what he he truly wants. There's so much about Ciel's story in particular that fascinated him in a way that few other contracts had. There was all of the darkest parts of humanity all wrapped around this one young boy whose only real sin had been being unlucky and taking his hand. And yet, when Sebastian had left him? That boy had also taken every sin possible upon those small shoulders. Violence begets violence. It was so stark a thing to have witnessed, and in truth... It was exquisite.
...So he decides to be honest. ]
It may seem a touch ironic for me to say so... But humans are often far crueler than demons, in my experience.
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He tries to smile at Sebastian's observation. But he can't manage it: The most his lips do is twitch, like a crushed insect giving its last gasps. ]
No, [ he decides, ] that makes sense. [ For just a second, he feels so angry and devastated that he thinks he's going to cry. And Matt's so bad at disguising what he feels once he knows he feels it. But he goes someplace--the place he used to go when he got angry or upset in his teens and lights would flicker and pop in their bulbs, a place that feels like meditation, because only breath is real there. Only a gradually slowing pulse. And he doesn't cry. He's even steady as he says, ] It's like you said: Humanity is creative in a way demons aren't. And I don't know how you feel love, but ...
I wouldn't be surprised if that made us worse too.
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My apologies. It is a dark subject, as summoning demons usually is, but I forget too that I truly do see the darkest parts of the human heart and am well used to it, in a way.
[ This feels like the depth of where this conversation can tread to, at least for now, so he withdraws. It's at least easy enough to do, because while the framing of it is still dark, "love" is hardly an uninteresting way to turn the conversation. ]
Perhaps so. Love is a complicated emotion. It can inspire both the very best and the very worst.
[ And if it was allowed to remain there, Sebastian withdraws his hand lightly. As it drifts to this, it feels somewhat untoward for the physical contact to remain, or perhaps it's a tease in itself. From him, it might as well be both. ]
But love is something I do not know, personally. It is not something I have ever felt, so it is possible that I am not able? I only know of its sharper edges in desire.
no subject
He exhales. ]
Oh ...
[ A slight smile--a real one, this time, as his shoulders straighten. ]
I don't know. I think desire is part of love. It's not everything there is, and it can definitely be acquisitive or--unevolved--but so can romantic love. People killing their partners, or even just being terrible when they get dumped or turned down. [ Did V love him? Matt's never been sure. He shrugs gently, as if to ward off the line of thought. ] But uh, maybe sometime, if you ever want to do the thing again, [ wiggling his fingers, ] I'll try to surface that for you. What love feels like to me.
i close my eyes
The offer makes Sebastian laugh, but it's the warm, charming one this time, and the conversation is certainly taking a turn for the lighter now. ]
My, my, teaching a demon about "love"...? What a concept. You may very well have a very popular plot for a particular sort of writing on your hands, you know.
[ Sebastian can't help but tease, but there's no malice behind it, only coy playfulness. ]
But, yes, I would be interested indeed. I shall not impose upon you now, since I imagine with one such instance and my own cheerful chatter, it may be best to give you something of a break.
[ His expression smooths again as some of that playfulness goes, but not all. The corners of his eyes are still turned up in a nearly mischievous way, and there's a slight pause as he seems to want to say more. He does continue, but whether it was this or something else on his mind is impossible to know. ]
You are a rather exceptionally unusual person, you know. There are very few humans I have spoken to besides my masters that have known my nature, true, but I do not believe any of them have spoken to me as you do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s__rX_WL100
He gets ahold of himself quickly, nodding in relief as Sebastian agrees that they'll put off further channel-opening until some later date. Matt's willing to trade a lot of personal information for a chance to peek beyond the veil, but sharing wears him out. For the moment, he smiles curiously. ]
Unusual?
[ Well, he's always felt like a weirdo. He's not sure that's what Sebastian means, though. Matt's expression softens. ]
Why? How do I speak to you?
no subject
Like equals. Or, close enough.
[ And there's much he could say to that, too. It was something that could be as foolish as summoning a demon just to see if one could, were he another of his brethren. But, there's hardly a need, since it very clearly doesn't apply to him at this point. ]
It is always one of two extremes. There is the deference and fear that comes with the truth of my being, naturally. No matter what sort of preconceptions someone has by the time they meet me, it may as well be meeting all monsters and nightmares at once. And if they want something from me, well, then I am the wicked king they have been waiting for, and they prostrate themselves before me.
[ He waves his hand dismissively to that, since a bit interestingly, he seems to dislike that sort of treatment. It's very much the opposite from what would be known of most demons. ]
...Or they are my master, and so I am their slave. My master's will is my own will, their desires my desires, at least so long as our agreement is in place. At best, it is a cordial, business relationship, at worst, adversarial as they try and slip out of our deal.
[ Sebastian gestures to Matt generally, since now his comparison is the focus. ]
You know perfectly well what I am, and yet, you neither fear me nor do you hold the chain of my collar. We can hold a conversation just as I would if I were carrying on the pretense of being human. It is an exceptionally rare thing.
no subject
Like, he gets the deal-making paradigm in theory. But he doesn't like it. Slaves and masters seems like such a gross oversimplification of what the relationship between humans and spirits can be. Matt's asked plenty of them for help in his time, but he never saw it as commanding, or using them like mystical batteries. He'd sent out open, honest invitations, screening out those spirits with malign intent as best he could, and what resulted felt like genuine partnership. Like the partnerships he's had with humans: impermanent, but powerful. ]
To be fair, [ he notes, ] I wouldn't say that I don't fear you. But I don't know if I react to fear the way that I should.
no subject
[ Sebastian laughs easily with a nod ]
Then I shall rephrase slightly to say that you certainly do not treat me with the typical presentation of fear I am used to. Why, to even see the portion of my true face as you have is enough to send even those who set out to worship me into hysterics. Though I am never sure exactly what they expects in such cases...
[ That's the source of most of his disdain, in fact, petty as it is. It always made him roll his eyes a bit when being summoned and being met with so much fear that it was paralyzing, since what did they expect, really? ]
Granted, Horos itself grants me much freedom to which I am not accustomed, so that plays a part as well. It is a novel experience to speak so freely in general.
no subject
It's interesting to hear Sebastian talk about novel levels of freedom. Matt can't remember the last time he was as constricted as he feels here. His parents always insisted on a certain level of public decorum in the interests of protecting the family name, but on his own time, they rarely noticed what he did. He was able to summon that demon under their very roof. Horos is ... small. Harder to traverse than a 21st-century city replete with public transit, that's for sure. Even the pathways to information feel barred in many cases.
But on the other hand, he can be open about being a magic user here. That's something he's never had before. ]
That's good, then, [ he muses. ] I mean. I think it's good to be able to express yourself. Share your truth, all that kind of thing. Maybe you don't actually do it all the time, but the important part is having the option.
no subject
[ He shrugs, since naturally, he prefers this. If he has to be around his kind while cavorting with humans (and adjacent), it's better that they're all the kind that prefer to operate in a similar way. Though he'd been irritated to discover his inability to form new contracts, it's likely for the best, considering how... territorial demons could get, very much himself included. ]
Of course, I can only speak for myself on this point, but having hobbies that tend towards the domestic also helps.
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Really?
[ --before he's had time to think through the implications of what Sebastian's said. But even after a moment's thought, he still can't quite trace the A to B. Possibly because while he's a cleanly sort of person--he values the sensory too much not to be--he's decidedly undomestic. Objects in his spaces gravitate towards piles on desks or chairs, he can barely cook, etcetera. It's never occurred to him that a spirit might enjoy domesticity. It's also a bit counterintuitive to connect it to freedom of expression. ]
What kinds of hobbies interest you, exactly?
[ Matt technically had access to Sebastian's communing on the topic, but one can't notice everything. Especially Matt, who tries on principle to stay out of people's heads unless specifically, individually invited there. ]
no subject
Why, very nearly anything you can imagine underneath such a descriptor. Cleaning, laundry, gardening, preparing tea, sewing... I find them all to be very soothing activities.
[ It's not at all something that could be expected for a demon to admit to enjoying, and much less without a hint of reservation over doing so. If anything, there's pride in it, and especially as he gets to his favorite. ]
I find cooking to be my favorite, though. From fine dining for nobility to simpler dishes meant for a pastoral lifestyle, I find great enjoyment in it preparing an excellent meal. Ah, and dessert as well, naturally. My young master had a troublesome love of sweets, so I would nearly consider sweets my specialty above all else.
no subject
At the same time, the fact that he's never imagined a spirit could enjoy doing laundry and doesn't totally get it only makes him more curious. Some of the spirits he's encountered seemed to like the sensation of having a physical body--or at least what they could experience of it through him. So what else might they be into? ]
Oh, [ he chuckles. ] "Troublesome" sounds right. But I guess if I could've commanded someone to make me snacks when I was a kid, I might've asked for mostly sugar too.
[ Matt technically could command people to make him snacks as a kid?? But his mother always checked in eventually. ]
That's interesting ... I think of cooking as something that's really creative. What's your process, are you thinking of things you've tasted before, or that your--contractee has?
no subject
Why, and that would be fine, but I do imagine your tastes may not be as particular. No demands for a cacao brioche babka or an orange blossom and almond cake in particular. Or so I would hope, since it really was troublesome to have everything needed prepared for a dessert of his whims.
[ Now, granted, this is absolutely because Ciel was purposefully making Sebastian's life difficult. It's not unfair, considering the antagonism between them, but still, Sebastian will pettily complain about it all the same. This is only a tiny fraction of it as well, so it's good that Matt actually asks about something that's definitely more interesting to hear than the Very Difficult Life of Sebastian the Butler. ]
...Regardless. [ He even lightly ahems into his hand as he lowers it ] Cooking can be creative, yes, but not so much for me. It is simply following a recipe with how I cook... My sense of taste differs significantly from humans', so I do not deviate from what I know. At this point I at least objectively know enough of what sorts of ingredients and spices taste good to you, but for myself?
[ He shakes his head ]
It all tastes foul to me, I am afraid.
no subject
Oh.
[ A frown. Matt's mind can't help flickering back to that moment of connection between them, to the hunger he'd felt as if it were his own. He hesitates, but only for a moment before his curiosity spurs him to ask: ]
Is there only ... the one thing that tastes good to you?
no subject
[ He nods, and he's once again struck by how well Matt takes the very idea. It isn't as if it's regarded flippantly, since how Matt's laughter faded said that well enough, but it's certainly handled with more neutrality than Sebastian is used to. Ciel had taken the prospect well, all things considered, but that was more for self-loathing than anything. Here, it's entirely different, and it's almost... Refreshing, he thinks? ]
If someone is feeling a particularly strong emotion, I can "taste" that as well? It is hard to describe, but it hangs in the air, so to speak, and there are some I favor over others. [ He makes a thoughtful noise, then adds: ] Well, and there is food in my realm that is palatable? But much as I find human cuisine foul, I am sure a human would find the same for demons. It is very... visceral, shall we say?
no subject
Well, human cuisine covers a pretty wide array of sins. Intestines, cheese with maggots on it. Fruit that smells like sewage.
But I can imagine some things that might be ... more visceral than the vast majority of us would go for.
[ He tips his head thoughtfully. He's relieved to hear there's something on this plane of existence that Sebastian likes tasting apart from souls. Being stuck here with nothing on your tongue but "foul" strikes Matt as akin to torture. He isn't exactly a foodie, but he has too much appreciation for the realm of the sensual to feel otherwise. ]
What emotions are your favorites?
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It's why the question makes him smile. ]
...Normally, that is a rather difficult question to answer, because my answer always felt imprecise. In short, it is the darker feelings people are prone to. Hatred, despair, fury... All a bit stereotypical, I know, but such is my taste. [ He can at least make fun of himself a little bit in this regard ] But even so, that never feels like it captures the depth of what I experience. It feels a bit dull compared to what I experience to describe them so simply, but I had never been able to think of something more vivid.
[ "Until now" is clear enough in how he's phrased it, and so he shrugs very lightly. ]
What comes forth when one experiences the Kenoma... That is it.
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Hey, stereotypes are popular for a reason. I like burgers and pizza, [ he offers, forgetting that there might be something of a cultural divide where those are concerned. That's all he says before quieting, though.
Once Matt hears the answer, he thinks he could have predicted it. Of course the Kenoma would encompass all that, and more--though Matt himself isn't drawn to hatred as a concept. Only love. Love for everything, not just the things that make themselves easy to love: for the wildfire raging its way across an overgrown forest, for maggots as they chew an animal corpse into usefulness. For peace, at the end, to everyone who needs it. ]
Well. That makes me happy, then. [ Another quick smile, this one his widest in recent minutes. ] Which I guess doesn't taste great, so sorry.
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Well, you needn't apologize. It must be far more intense than that for me to catch a note of it.
[ He'll at least come to humor first, though it may be a bit of a joke only for him. But after breathing out a laugh, the humor shifts to a curiosity that's more earnest. ]
...But does it really? [ There's a laugh breathed out again as just a note, though it's near incredulous. There's a disparity here, and it's clearly one Sebastian himself hasn't thought about at any length. ] Why?
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He smiles, breathing a laugh of his own. Half sheepishness, half unconscious echo. ]
I don't ... like thinking of anyone stuck in an existence that has nothing to offer them.
I know our purpose here is to reset things. Sweep away the last of the rot. And I believe in that, but I don't think that has to mean-- [ His lips twitch. ] --you know, "no fun." Maybe there's a version of me in the future who'll be able to move towards a goal without anything but that to look forward to, but I definitely can't do it now.
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In part, this is a misunderstanding, he's sure. It's an endearing thing about many humans that they can assume better of people, even when the truth is obvious before them. It's a weakness that demons of Sebastian's ilk exploited in different shades. Social as he was, his tended to be deceptions to hide the beast lurking underneath an alluring mask and careful, honeyed words.
But it wasn't being hidden very much, was it? Especially not to Matt, who didn't merely witness it, but felt it. It's the part he's stuck on, because it goes against his expectations in a fundamental way. It intrigues him, but in a distant sort of way only a creature as ancient as he could feel. Luckily, it's also more than enough to catch his interest. ]
I should hope not. Even enjoying cleaning as I do, that is an extraordinarily dull thing to be captivated by, I would say.
[ Of course, his own pensive thoughts are kept to himself. The enigmatic smile warms further to one that shows just a little bit of playful mischief in it. ]
Should you ever find yourself drifting in such a way, then we shall have to be sure to remedy it. There is always something offered, and I would call myself a bit of an expert at finding even rare pleasures, naturally.
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In the context of their current conversation, the phrase "rare pleasures" catches on his ear. Matt's pretty sure that's just him, rather than anything Sebastian's specifically intending to put across, but he can't help how his smile curls at the words. ]
I appreciate that, [ he says, sincerely. He glances up to meet Sebastian's gaze. His thoughts, from starry to heated, flicker across his face, but as usual, Matt isn't aware of just how transparent he is. ] I know I just said that I think we should have fun, but it's true it's not always easy to get into that mindset.
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As those thoughts drift openly across Matt's face, there's the slightest of acknowledgements in return. It's no more than his lips pursing just slightly in knowing, a little crinkle at the corners of his eyes as they match the smile, but. He's a tease. It's a thread with a promise of perhaps another time, but still so subtle as to be second-guessed.
His smile brightens easily with warmth, and he nods in agreement. ]
So indeed, and especially in an environment so dour. [ He looks generally up, though there's nothing to see there ] To say nothing of our surroundings now, of course. Achamoth is so full of such a dour luxury is more what I mean than these somewhat pitiful surroundings.
[ ...Truly, why not let your favored pawns at least come back to life in a nicer place? He won't try and understand the Regent's methods at this point, but that is absolutely not a topic that he'll get into here, so he continues without missing a beat as he looks back down. ]
Why, perhaps you would be interested in joining me, now that I think of it. Once matters are settled here in Achamoth, I was thinking of taking a trip outside the city. There is much to see of Horos, and I should like to.
don't mind me gently puttin a bow on this
In the meantime, "dour luxury" prompts a sudden grin, distracting him. That's totally it: Achamoth contains within its walls pretty much any vice you could lust for, but a surprising number of its fruits are hidden from public view, leaving one's primary impression of the city one of severity. As for the Citadel itself, like so many of its denizens--like the one who shaped it, who sits in its throne room--it's business, business, business. ]
Oh.
[ Matt's smile shifts from broad and bright to something smaller, more private. A self-contained glow of pleasure. It's not just the invitation that pleases him (though it does, especially with the way his thoughts have been tending), but the prospect of open air, new sights. Getting out of this graveyard. Until Sebastian said it, Matt didn't realize how much he wanted that. ]
Yeah, [ he says slowly, ] that sounds like it could be really fun. Um. Let me know when you're going, and ...
[ There's things Matt could say here about the tactical wisdom of learning more about Horos. That's what you do in conflict, right? Try to get as much terrain advantage as you can? But he doesn't marshal any martial arguments; for now, it feels like enough to want to leave.
Feeling oddly lighter, he concludes: ]
And I'll pack my bags.