[ Matt sputters a laugh at the "particular sort of writing" remark. If it weren't for how recently he's been plucked from a well of anger and despair by gentle shoulder touches, he'd blush--he has one of those blushing faces, and despite the wide, wide range of people he's seen naked, he's never learned to become blase about intimacy and flirtation. Each person is so unique that nothing that happens between them ever feels like a foregone conclusion. The dance may be familiar, but each one feels to Matt like it's the first time.
He gets ahold of himself quickly, nodding in relief as Sebastian agrees that they'll put off further channel-opening until some later date. Matt's willing to trade a lot of personal information for a chance to peek beyond the veil, but sharing wears him out. For the moment, he smiles curiously. ]
Unusual?
[ Well, he's always felt like a weirdo. He's not sure that's what Sebastian means, though. Matt's expression softens. ]
[ Sebastian's smile continues to cool from the laugh back to something thoughtful, but it's definitely not as cold as the one that came with the previous topic. ]
Like equals. Or, close enough.
[ And there's much he could say to that, too. It was something that could be as foolish as summoning a demon just to see if one could, were he another of his brethren. But, there's hardly a need, since it very clearly doesn't apply to him at this point. ]
It is always one of two extremes. There is the deference and fear that comes with the truth of my being, naturally. No matter what sort of preconceptions someone has by the time they meet me, it may as well be meeting all monsters and nightmares at once. And if they want something from me, well, then I am the wicked king they have been waiting for, and they prostrate themselves before me.
[ He waves his hand dismissively to that, since a bit interestingly, he seems to dislike that sort of treatment. It's very much the opposite from what would be known of most demons. ]
...Or they are my master, and so I am their slave. My master's will is my own will, their desires my desires, at least so long as our agreement is in place. At best, it is a cordial, business relationship, at worst, adversarial as they try and slip out of our deal.
[ Sebastian gestures to Matt generally, since now his comparison is the focus. ]
You know perfectly well what I am, and yet, you neither fear me nor do you hold the chain of my collar. We can hold a conversation just as I would if I were carrying on the pretense of being human. It is an exceptionally rare thing.
[ Matt nods slowly, a flicker of warm amusement crossing his face at the phrase "wicked king." Maybe more than amusement. Either way, it's gone quickly, replaced by a more sober expression.
Like, he gets the deal-making paradigm in theory. But he doesn't like it. Slaves and masters seems like such a gross oversimplification of what the relationship between humans and spirits can be. Matt's asked plenty of them for help in his time, but he never saw it as commanding, or using them like mystical batteries. He'd sent out open, honest invitations, screening out those spirits with malign intent as best he could, and what resulted felt like genuine partnership. Like the partnerships he's had with humans: impermanent, but powerful. ]
To be fair, [ he notes, ] I wouldn't say that I don't fear you. But I don't know if I react to fear the way that I should.
Then I shall rephrase slightly to say that you certainly do not treat me with the typical presentation of fear I am used to. Why, to even see the portion of my true face as you have is enough to send even those who set out to worship me into hysterics. Though I am never sure exactly what they expects in such cases...
[ That's the source of most of his disdain, in fact, petty as it is. It always made him roll his eyes a bit when being summoned and being met with so much fear that it was paralyzing, since what did they expect, really? ]
Granted, Horos itself grants me much freedom to which I am not accustomed, so that plays a part as well. It is a novel experience to speak so freely in general.
[ Matt's lips twitch in rueful amusement. Despite how hypocritical it might seem coming from him, he kind of gets this. Like, what do people expect? He may have had his own demonic Expectation vs. Reality moment, but he was also a teenager at the time.
It's interesting to hear Sebastian talk about novel levels of freedom. Matt can't remember the last time he was as constricted as he feels here. His parents always insisted on a certain level of public decorum in the interests of protecting the family name, but on his own time, they rarely noticed what he did. He was able to summon that demon under their very roof. Horos is ... small. Harder to traverse than a 21st-century city replete with public transit, that's for sure. Even the pathways to information feel barred in many cases.
But on the other hand, he can be open about being a magic user here. That's something he's never had before. ]
That's good, then, [ he muses. ] I mean. I think it's good to be able to express yourself. Share your truth, all that kind of thing. Maybe you don't actually do it all the time, but the important part is having the option.
Well, I must admit, it is likely only good because I am rather fond of mortals. I do wonder if it is just good luck or intention that the demons we seem to have here are all well-behaved. Comparatively speaking, anyways.
[ He shrugs, since naturally, he prefers this. If he has to be around his kind while cavorting with humans (and adjacent), it's better that they're all the kind that prefer to operate in a similar way. Though he'd been irritated to discover his inability to form new contracts, it's likely for the best, considering how... territorial demons could get, very much himself included. ]
Of course, I can only speak for myself on this point, but having hobbies that tend towards the domestic also helps.
[ --before he's had time to think through the implications of what Sebastian's said. But even after a moment's thought, he still can't quite trace the A to B. Possibly because while he's a cleanly sort of person--he values the sensory too much not to be--he's decidedly undomestic. Objects in his spaces gravitate towards piles on desks or chairs, he can barely cook, etcetera. It's never occurred to him that a spirit might enjoy domesticity. It's also a bit counterintuitive to connect it to freedom of expression. ]
What kinds of hobbies interest you, exactly?
[ Matt technically had access to Sebastian's communing on the topic, but one can't notice everything. Especially Matt, who tries on principle to stay out of people's heads unless specifically, individually invited there. ]
[ Sebastian laughs gently, since with no pretense of being anything else but a demon, it absolutely has to come as a surprise. Why, it would have come as a surprise to him but a few years ago, odd as that still feels to consider. ]
Why, very nearly anything you can imagine underneath such a descriptor. Cleaning, laundry, gardening, preparing tea, sewing... I find them all to be very soothing activities.
[ It's not at all something that could be expected for a demon to admit to enjoying, and much less without a hint of reservation over doing so. If anything, there's pride in it, and especially as he gets to his favorite. ]
I find cooking to be my favorite, though. From fine dining for nobility to simpler dishes meant for a pastoral lifestyle, I find great enjoyment in it preparing an excellent meal. Ah, and dessert as well, naturally. My young master had a troublesome love of sweets, so I would nearly consider sweets my specialty above all else.
[ Matt is still thoroughly flabbergasted by this reveal, and the specifics don't actually do much to enlighten him, except insofar as he can agree that gardening and preparing tea are soothing activities. Maybe if the definition of "domesticity" is stretched to include crafting, of the sort Matt employs to enchant objects, he understands a little better.
At the same time, the fact that he's never imagined a spirit could enjoy doing laundry and doesn't totally get it only makes him more curious. Some of the spirits he's encountered seemed to like the sensation of having a physical body--or at least what they could experience of it through him. So what else might they be into? ]
Oh, [ he chuckles. ] "Troublesome" sounds right. But I guess if I could've commanded someone to make me snacks when I was a kid, I might've asked for mostly sugar too.
[ Matt technically could command people to make him snacks as a kid?? But his mother always checked in eventually. ]
That's interesting ... I think of cooking as something that's really creative. What's your process, are you thinking of things you've tasted before, or that your--contractee has?
[ Sebastian sighs deeply first, and he brings a hand up to his temple as he shakes his head as well. Rather than an ancient, wise demon, in this moment he's absolutely just a harried babysitter... ]
Why, and that would be fine, but I do imagine your tastes may not be as particular. No demands for a cacao brioche babka or an orange blossom and almond cake in particular. Or so I would hope, since it really was troublesome to have everything needed prepared for a dessert of his whims.
[ Now, granted, this is absolutely because Ciel was purposefully making Sebastian's life difficult. It's not unfair, considering the antagonism between them, but still, Sebastian will pettily complain about it all the same. This is only a tiny fraction of it as well, so it's good that Matt actually asks about something that's definitely more interesting to hear than the Very Difficult Life of Sebastian the Butler. ]
...Regardless. [ He even lightly ahems into his hand as he lowers it ] Cooking can be creative, yes, but not so much for me. It is simply following a recipe with how I cook... My sense of taste differs significantly from humans', so I do not deviate from what I know. At this point I at least objectively know enough of what sorts of ingredients and spices taste good to you, but for myself?
[ Matt chuckles in some surprise at the specificity--an orange blossom and almond cake actually sounds amazing, he'd forgotten those things ever existed. But his laughter fades as he focuses on Sebastian's answer. ]
Oh.
[ A frown. Matt's mind can't help flickering back to that moment of connection between them, to the hunger he'd felt as if it were his own. He hesitates, but only for a moment before his curiosity spurs him to ask: ]
Is there only ... the one thing that tastes good to you?
[ He nods, and he's once again struck by how well Matt takes the very idea. It isn't as if it's regarded flippantly, since how Matt's laughter faded said that well enough, but it's certainly handled with more neutrality than Sebastian is used to. Ciel had taken the prospect well, all things considered, but that was more for self-loathing than anything. Here, it's entirely different, and it's almost... Refreshing, he thinks? ]
If someone is feeling a particularly strong emotion, I can "taste" that as well? It is hard to describe, but it hangs in the air, so to speak, and there are some I favor over others. [ He makes a thoughtful noise, then adds: ] Well, and there is food in my realm that is palatable? But much as I find human cuisine foul, I am sure a human would find the same for demons. It is very... visceral, shall we say?
Well, human cuisine covers a pretty wide array of sins. Intestines, cheese with maggots on it. Fruit that smells like sewage.
But I can imagine some things that might be ... more visceral than the vast majority of us would go for.
[ He tips his head thoughtfully. He's relieved to hear there's something on this plane of existence that Sebastian likes tasting apart from souls. Being stuck here with nothing on your tongue but "foul" strikes Matt as akin to torture. He isn't exactly a foodie, but he has too much appreciation for the realm of the sensual to feel otherwise. ]
[ Sebastian nods with a troubled expression as Matt describes some of the more colorful foods humans like to indulge in, and it's clear that he's at least familiar with some of those offerings... Though it may just as much be for his own kind's offerings as well, since even if Sebastian finds them more palatable, he also considers himself a gourmand. It's why he goes through the trouble of covenants at all, since even if his stomach could be filled with "normal" offerings for demons, it was never the same.
It's why the question makes him smile. ]
...Normally, that is a rather difficult question to answer, because my answer always felt imprecise. In short, it is the darker feelings people are prone to. Hatred, despair, fury... All a bit stereotypical, I know, but such is my taste. [ He can at least make fun of himself a little bit in this regard ] But even so, that never feels like it captures the depth of what I experience. It feels a bit dull compared to what I experience to describe them so simply, but I had never been able to think of something more vivid.
[ "Until now" is clear enough in how he's phrased it, and so he shrugs very lightly. ]
What comes forth when one experiences the Kenoma... That is it.
[ Matt's lips twitch ruefully for 'stereotypical.' ]
Hey, stereotypes are popular for a reason. I like burgers and pizza, [ he offers, forgetting that there might be something of a cultural divide where those are concerned. That's all he says before quieting, though.
Once Matt hears the answer, he thinks he could have predicted it. Of course the Kenoma would encompass all that, and more--though Matt himself isn't drawn to hatred as a concept. Only love. Love for everything, not just the things that make themselves easy to love: for the wildfire raging its way across an overgrown forest, for maggots as they chew an animal corpse into usefulness. For peace, at the end, to everyone who needs it. ]
Well. That makes me happy, then. [ Another quick smile, this one his widest in recent minutes. ] Which I guess doesn't taste great, so sorry.
[ "Burger" causes his brow to quirk lightly yet again when faced with a new term, and pizza certainly brings a different flavor profile to mind... But ultimately, his expression settles into one of a soft kind of surprise. It probably reads as lightly doubting, but it's more perplexed than that. ]
Well, you needn't apologize. It must be far more intense than that for me to catch a note of it.
[ He'll at least come to humor first, though it may be a bit of a joke only for him. But after breathing out a laugh, the humor shifts to a curiosity that's more earnest. ]
...But does it really? [ There's a laugh breathed out again as just a note, though it's near incredulous. There's a disparity here, and it's clearly one Sebastian himself hasn't thought about at any length. ] Why?
[ Matt's relieved that normal-strength emotions don't seem to ping Sebastian. They all have more than enough of that as things stand. But it seems to surprise him when Sebastian laughs--it's a pleasant sound, but Matt hadn't thought about trying to explain himself. It's almost jarring to realize he's been thinking his own thoughts, and that Sebastian isn't privy to them.
He smiles, breathing a laugh of his own. Half sheepishness, half unconscious echo. ]
I don't ... like thinking of anyone stuck in an existence that has nothing to offer them.
I know our purpose here is to reset things. Sweep away the last of the rot. And I believe in that, but I don't think that has to mean-- [ His lips twitch. ] --you know, "no fun." Maybe there's a version of me in the future who'll be able to move towards a goal without anything but that to look forward to, but I definitely can't do it now.
[ Even a demon, he almost asks reflexively, but Matt's answer is obvious at this point. He cants his head lightly as he listens, and his smile tilts towards warmth, but it would be difficult to pick out what Sebastian is feeling from it.
In part, this is a misunderstanding, he's sure. It's an endearing thing about many humans that they can assume better of people, even when the truth is obvious before them. It's a weakness that demons of Sebastian's ilk exploited in different shades. Social as he was, his tended to be deceptions to hide the beast lurking underneath an alluring mask and careful, honeyed words.
But it wasn't being hidden very much, was it? Especially not to Matt, who didn't merely witness it, but felt it. It's the part he's stuck on, because it goes against his expectations in a fundamental way. It intrigues him, but in a distant sort of way only a creature as ancient as he could feel. Luckily, it's also more than enough to catch his interest. ]
I should hope not. Even enjoying cleaning as I do, that is an extraordinarily dull thing to be captivated by, I would say.
[ Of course, his own pensive thoughts are kept to himself. The enigmatic smile warms further to one that shows just a little bit of playful mischief in it. ]
Should you ever find yourself drifting in such a way, then we shall have to be sure to remedy it. There is always something offered, and I would call myself a bit of an expert at finding even rare pleasures, naturally.
[ Matt laughs, realizing he did totally forget to take all Sebastian's domestic hobbies into account. But on the other hand, he stands by that. The pleasure one can find in knitting or baking babkas isn't quite the same as the kind one takes in a jaw-dropping celestial event, or really good sex, or eating that babka and finding it tastes wonderful. Maybe not all of Matt's list there is sensual per se, but it's--bigger than a single person. Fulfilling, in a way you can touch. And sensations matter. Kama is, after all, one of the four pillars of human existence.
In the context of their current conversation, the phrase "rare pleasures" catches on his ear. Matt's pretty sure that's just him, rather than anything Sebastian's specifically intending to put across, but he can't help how his smile curls at the words. ]
I appreciate that, [ he says, sincerely. He glances up to meet Sebastian's gaze. His thoughts, from starry to heated, flicker across his face, but as usual, Matt isn't aware of just how transparent he is. ] I know I just said that I think we should have fun, but it's true it's not always easy to get into that mindset.
[ His words find their mark, though perhaps not as fully as Sebastian thinks. He's being purposefully beguiling, though it's not for any reason but his own whimsy, ultimately. It's his own form of fun to tease at flirtation, but it's also neatly tied up in the manners of a gentleman. Or at least partially. This would still be far too bold for the standards of etiquette he had come from, but being completely behold to them certainly felt out of place in Achamoth...
As those thoughts drift openly across Matt's face, there's the slightest of acknowledgements in return. It's no more than his lips pursing just slightly in knowing, a little crinkle at the corners of his eyes as they match the smile, but. He's a tease. It's a thread with a promise of perhaps another time, but still so subtle as to be second-guessed.
His smile brightens easily with warmth, and he nods in agreement. ]
So indeed, and especially in an environment so dour. [ He looks generally up, though there's nothing to see there ] To say nothing of our surroundings now, of course. Achamoth is so full of such a dour luxury is more what I mean than these somewhat pitiful surroundings.
[ ...Truly, why not let your favored pawns at least come back to life in a nicer place? He won't try and understand the Regent's methods at this point, but that is absolutely not a topic that he'll get into here, so he continues without missing a beat as he looks back down. ]
Why, perhaps you would be interested in joining me, now that I think of it. Once matters are settled here in Achamoth, I was thinking of taking a trip outside the city. There is much to see of Horos, and I should like to.
[ Matt likes that expression. He's past second-guessing and onto fourth- or fifth-, so he has no real thought that any of it's meant for him. But he can't help wanting what he wants, and consequently can't help warming to the crinkle at the corners of Sebastian's eyes, the lilt of his smile.
In the meantime, "dour luxury" prompts a sudden grin, distracting him. That's totally it: Achamoth contains within its walls pretty much any vice you could lust for, but a surprising number of its fruits are hidden from public view, leaving one's primary impression of the city one of severity. As for the Citadel itself, like so many of its denizens--like the one who shaped it, who sits in its throne room--it's business, business, business. ]
Oh.
[ Matt's smile shifts from broad and bright to something smaller, more private. A self-contained glow of pleasure. It's not just the invitation that pleases him (though it does, especially with the way his thoughts have been tending), but the prospect of open air, new sights. Getting out of this graveyard. Until Sebastian said it, Matt didn't realize how much he wanted that. ]
Yeah, [ he says slowly, ] that sounds like it could be really fun. Um. Let me know when you're going, and ...
[ There's things Matt could say here about the tactical wisdom of learning more about Horos. That's what you do in conflict, right? Try to get as much terrain advantage as you can? But he doesn't marshal any martial arguments; for now, it feels like enough to want to leave.
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He gets ahold of himself quickly, nodding in relief as Sebastian agrees that they'll put off further channel-opening until some later date. Matt's willing to trade a lot of personal information for a chance to peek beyond the veil, but sharing wears him out. For the moment, he smiles curiously. ]
Unusual?
[ Well, he's always felt like a weirdo. He's not sure that's what Sebastian means, though. Matt's expression softens. ]
Why? How do I speak to you?
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Like equals. Or, close enough.
[ And there's much he could say to that, too. It was something that could be as foolish as summoning a demon just to see if one could, were he another of his brethren. But, there's hardly a need, since it very clearly doesn't apply to him at this point. ]
It is always one of two extremes. There is the deference and fear that comes with the truth of my being, naturally. No matter what sort of preconceptions someone has by the time they meet me, it may as well be meeting all monsters and nightmares at once. And if they want something from me, well, then I am the wicked king they have been waiting for, and they prostrate themselves before me.
[ He waves his hand dismissively to that, since a bit interestingly, he seems to dislike that sort of treatment. It's very much the opposite from what would be known of most demons. ]
...Or they are my master, and so I am their slave. My master's will is my own will, their desires my desires, at least so long as our agreement is in place. At best, it is a cordial, business relationship, at worst, adversarial as they try and slip out of our deal.
[ Sebastian gestures to Matt generally, since now his comparison is the focus. ]
You know perfectly well what I am, and yet, you neither fear me nor do you hold the chain of my collar. We can hold a conversation just as I would if I were carrying on the pretense of being human. It is an exceptionally rare thing.
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Like, he gets the deal-making paradigm in theory. But he doesn't like it. Slaves and masters seems like such a gross oversimplification of what the relationship between humans and spirits can be. Matt's asked plenty of them for help in his time, but he never saw it as commanding, or using them like mystical batteries. He'd sent out open, honest invitations, screening out those spirits with malign intent as best he could, and what resulted felt like genuine partnership. Like the partnerships he's had with humans: impermanent, but powerful. ]
To be fair, [ he notes, ] I wouldn't say that I don't fear you. But I don't know if I react to fear the way that I should.
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[ Sebastian laughs easily with a nod ]
Then I shall rephrase slightly to say that you certainly do not treat me with the typical presentation of fear I am used to. Why, to even see the portion of my true face as you have is enough to send even those who set out to worship me into hysterics. Though I am never sure exactly what they expects in such cases...
[ That's the source of most of his disdain, in fact, petty as it is. It always made him roll his eyes a bit when being summoned and being met with so much fear that it was paralyzing, since what did they expect, really? ]
Granted, Horos itself grants me much freedom to which I am not accustomed, so that plays a part as well. It is a novel experience to speak so freely in general.
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It's interesting to hear Sebastian talk about novel levels of freedom. Matt can't remember the last time he was as constricted as he feels here. His parents always insisted on a certain level of public decorum in the interests of protecting the family name, but on his own time, they rarely noticed what he did. He was able to summon that demon under their very roof. Horos is ... small. Harder to traverse than a 21st-century city replete with public transit, that's for sure. Even the pathways to information feel barred in many cases.
But on the other hand, he can be open about being a magic user here. That's something he's never had before. ]
That's good, then, [ he muses. ] I mean. I think it's good to be able to express yourself. Share your truth, all that kind of thing. Maybe you don't actually do it all the time, but the important part is having the option.
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[ He shrugs, since naturally, he prefers this. If he has to be around his kind while cavorting with humans (and adjacent), it's better that they're all the kind that prefer to operate in a similar way. Though he'd been irritated to discover his inability to form new contracts, it's likely for the best, considering how... territorial demons could get, very much himself included. ]
Of course, I can only speak for myself on this point, but having hobbies that tend towards the domestic also helps.
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Really?
[ --before he's had time to think through the implications of what Sebastian's said. But even after a moment's thought, he still can't quite trace the A to B. Possibly because while he's a cleanly sort of person--he values the sensory too much not to be--he's decidedly undomestic. Objects in his spaces gravitate towards piles on desks or chairs, he can barely cook, etcetera. It's never occurred to him that a spirit might enjoy domesticity. It's also a bit counterintuitive to connect it to freedom of expression. ]
What kinds of hobbies interest you, exactly?
[ Matt technically had access to Sebastian's communing on the topic, but one can't notice everything. Especially Matt, who tries on principle to stay out of people's heads unless specifically, individually invited there. ]
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Why, very nearly anything you can imagine underneath such a descriptor. Cleaning, laundry, gardening, preparing tea, sewing... I find them all to be very soothing activities.
[ It's not at all something that could be expected for a demon to admit to enjoying, and much less without a hint of reservation over doing so. If anything, there's pride in it, and especially as he gets to his favorite. ]
I find cooking to be my favorite, though. From fine dining for nobility to simpler dishes meant for a pastoral lifestyle, I find great enjoyment in it preparing an excellent meal. Ah, and dessert as well, naturally. My young master had a troublesome love of sweets, so I would nearly consider sweets my specialty above all else.
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At the same time, the fact that he's never imagined a spirit could enjoy doing laundry and doesn't totally get it only makes him more curious. Some of the spirits he's encountered seemed to like the sensation of having a physical body--or at least what they could experience of it through him. So what else might they be into? ]
Oh, [ he chuckles. ] "Troublesome" sounds right. But I guess if I could've commanded someone to make me snacks when I was a kid, I might've asked for mostly sugar too.
[ Matt technically could command people to make him snacks as a kid?? But his mother always checked in eventually. ]
That's interesting ... I think of cooking as something that's really creative. What's your process, are you thinking of things you've tasted before, or that your--contractee has?
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Why, and that would be fine, but I do imagine your tastes may not be as particular. No demands for a cacao brioche babka or an orange blossom and almond cake in particular. Or so I would hope, since it really was troublesome to have everything needed prepared for a dessert of his whims.
[ Now, granted, this is absolutely because Ciel was purposefully making Sebastian's life difficult. It's not unfair, considering the antagonism between them, but still, Sebastian will pettily complain about it all the same. This is only a tiny fraction of it as well, so it's good that Matt actually asks about something that's definitely more interesting to hear than the Very Difficult Life of Sebastian the Butler. ]
...Regardless. [ He even lightly ahems into his hand as he lowers it ] Cooking can be creative, yes, but not so much for me. It is simply following a recipe with how I cook... My sense of taste differs significantly from humans', so I do not deviate from what I know. At this point I at least objectively know enough of what sorts of ingredients and spices taste good to you, but for myself?
[ He shakes his head ]
It all tastes foul to me, I am afraid.
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Oh.
[ A frown. Matt's mind can't help flickering back to that moment of connection between them, to the hunger he'd felt as if it were his own. He hesitates, but only for a moment before his curiosity spurs him to ask: ]
Is there only ... the one thing that tastes good to you?
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[ He nods, and he's once again struck by how well Matt takes the very idea. It isn't as if it's regarded flippantly, since how Matt's laughter faded said that well enough, but it's certainly handled with more neutrality than Sebastian is used to. Ciel had taken the prospect well, all things considered, but that was more for self-loathing than anything. Here, it's entirely different, and it's almost... Refreshing, he thinks? ]
If someone is feeling a particularly strong emotion, I can "taste" that as well? It is hard to describe, but it hangs in the air, so to speak, and there are some I favor over others. [ He makes a thoughtful noise, then adds: ] Well, and there is food in my realm that is palatable? But much as I find human cuisine foul, I am sure a human would find the same for demons. It is very... visceral, shall we say?
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Well, human cuisine covers a pretty wide array of sins. Intestines, cheese with maggots on it. Fruit that smells like sewage.
But I can imagine some things that might be ... more visceral than the vast majority of us would go for.
[ He tips his head thoughtfully. He's relieved to hear there's something on this plane of existence that Sebastian likes tasting apart from souls. Being stuck here with nothing on your tongue but "foul" strikes Matt as akin to torture. He isn't exactly a foodie, but he has too much appreciation for the realm of the sensual to feel otherwise. ]
What emotions are your favorites?
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It's why the question makes him smile. ]
...Normally, that is a rather difficult question to answer, because my answer always felt imprecise. In short, it is the darker feelings people are prone to. Hatred, despair, fury... All a bit stereotypical, I know, but such is my taste. [ He can at least make fun of himself a little bit in this regard ] But even so, that never feels like it captures the depth of what I experience. It feels a bit dull compared to what I experience to describe them so simply, but I had never been able to think of something more vivid.
[ "Until now" is clear enough in how he's phrased it, and so he shrugs very lightly. ]
What comes forth when one experiences the Kenoma... That is it.
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Hey, stereotypes are popular for a reason. I like burgers and pizza, [ he offers, forgetting that there might be something of a cultural divide where those are concerned. That's all he says before quieting, though.
Once Matt hears the answer, he thinks he could have predicted it. Of course the Kenoma would encompass all that, and more--though Matt himself isn't drawn to hatred as a concept. Only love. Love for everything, not just the things that make themselves easy to love: for the wildfire raging its way across an overgrown forest, for maggots as they chew an animal corpse into usefulness. For peace, at the end, to everyone who needs it. ]
Well. That makes me happy, then. [ Another quick smile, this one his widest in recent minutes. ] Which I guess doesn't taste great, so sorry.
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Well, you needn't apologize. It must be far more intense than that for me to catch a note of it.
[ He'll at least come to humor first, though it may be a bit of a joke only for him. But after breathing out a laugh, the humor shifts to a curiosity that's more earnest. ]
...But does it really? [ There's a laugh breathed out again as just a note, though it's near incredulous. There's a disparity here, and it's clearly one Sebastian himself hasn't thought about at any length. ] Why?
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He smiles, breathing a laugh of his own. Half sheepishness, half unconscious echo. ]
I don't ... like thinking of anyone stuck in an existence that has nothing to offer them.
I know our purpose here is to reset things. Sweep away the last of the rot. And I believe in that, but I don't think that has to mean-- [ His lips twitch. ] --you know, "no fun." Maybe there's a version of me in the future who'll be able to move towards a goal without anything but that to look forward to, but I definitely can't do it now.
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In part, this is a misunderstanding, he's sure. It's an endearing thing about many humans that they can assume better of people, even when the truth is obvious before them. It's a weakness that demons of Sebastian's ilk exploited in different shades. Social as he was, his tended to be deceptions to hide the beast lurking underneath an alluring mask and careful, honeyed words.
But it wasn't being hidden very much, was it? Especially not to Matt, who didn't merely witness it, but felt it. It's the part he's stuck on, because it goes against his expectations in a fundamental way. It intrigues him, but in a distant sort of way only a creature as ancient as he could feel. Luckily, it's also more than enough to catch his interest. ]
I should hope not. Even enjoying cleaning as I do, that is an extraordinarily dull thing to be captivated by, I would say.
[ Of course, his own pensive thoughts are kept to himself. The enigmatic smile warms further to one that shows just a little bit of playful mischief in it. ]
Should you ever find yourself drifting in such a way, then we shall have to be sure to remedy it. There is always something offered, and I would call myself a bit of an expert at finding even rare pleasures, naturally.
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In the context of their current conversation, the phrase "rare pleasures" catches on his ear. Matt's pretty sure that's just him, rather than anything Sebastian's specifically intending to put across, but he can't help how his smile curls at the words. ]
I appreciate that, [ he says, sincerely. He glances up to meet Sebastian's gaze. His thoughts, from starry to heated, flicker across his face, but as usual, Matt isn't aware of just how transparent he is. ] I know I just said that I think we should have fun, but it's true it's not always easy to get into that mindset.
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As those thoughts drift openly across Matt's face, there's the slightest of acknowledgements in return. It's no more than his lips pursing just slightly in knowing, a little crinkle at the corners of his eyes as they match the smile, but. He's a tease. It's a thread with a promise of perhaps another time, but still so subtle as to be second-guessed.
His smile brightens easily with warmth, and he nods in agreement. ]
So indeed, and especially in an environment so dour. [ He looks generally up, though there's nothing to see there ] To say nothing of our surroundings now, of course. Achamoth is so full of such a dour luxury is more what I mean than these somewhat pitiful surroundings.
[ ...Truly, why not let your favored pawns at least come back to life in a nicer place? He won't try and understand the Regent's methods at this point, but that is absolutely not a topic that he'll get into here, so he continues without missing a beat as he looks back down. ]
Why, perhaps you would be interested in joining me, now that I think of it. Once matters are settled here in Achamoth, I was thinking of taking a trip outside the city. There is much to see of Horos, and I should like to.
don't mind me gently puttin a bow on this
In the meantime, "dour luxury" prompts a sudden grin, distracting him. That's totally it: Achamoth contains within its walls pretty much any vice you could lust for, but a surprising number of its fruits are hidden from public view, leaving one's primary impression of the city one of severity. As for the Citadel itself, like so many of its denizens--like the one who shaped it, who sits in its throne room--it's business, business, business. ]
Oh.
[ Matt's smile shifts from broad and bright to something smaller, more private. A self-contained glow of pleasure. It's not just the invitation that pleases him (though it does, especially with the way his thoughts have been tending), but the prospect of open air, new sights. Getting out of this graveyard. Until Sebastian said it, Matt didn't realize how much he wanted that. ]
Yeah, [ he says slowly, ] that sounds like it could be really fun. Um. Let me know when you're going, and ...
[ There's things Matt could say here about the tactical wisdom of learning more about Horos. That's what you do in conflict, right? Try to get as much terrain advantage as you can? But he doesn't marshal any martial arguments; for now, it feels like enough to want to leave.
Feeling oddly lighter, he concludes: ]
And I'll pack my bags.