[ Ryad was a place established with people like her in mind, honestly. Yura knew that not all people with taboo hungers were well-behaved. It was a fact of life in his world, and he'd seen it repeat here in Kenos as well. It was a long time ago by now, but still, the sharp tension that had nothing to do with factions was something he hadn't wanted to see repeated from his world. So, he'd taken action. Made a place where those people could hunt freely, so long as they followed the rules.
However, Diva was pointedly not someone that followed rules. The truth of it was that she didn't really understand them, since her life had been so cultivated and sheltered that she was nearly removed from reality. But part of that was also just being spoiled. The only person she ever listened to without question was Amshel, and since he wasn't here? She'd do what she wanted. It wasn't like anyone could stop her.
...That was what she'd assumed, at least.
As soon as she felt the smallest twinge of hunger, she'd wanted to sate it, and a Highstorm citizen had paid that price. She'd drained them dry. And another. And another. It was the third where Yura had caught wind of a badly behaving vampire, and it was only coincidence that Sebastian had been vistiting at the time. The demon was always perfectly helpful, so... He'd gone with Yura to help solve the problem.
The fact that Sebastian had accompanied him is what had led to this moment in Silco's office. After all, it'd only taken a brief interaction for Sebastian to draw a parallel that was— Well. In terms of his own goals with Silco, he thought it would be interesting, if nothing else. Think of it as a favor to Ryad's patron, Sebastian had said smoothly, because the alternative was clear. If she wouldn't behave, then her Shard would be crushed. It's as simple as that.
Thus, it has to be familiar and even a little nostalgic, if bitterly so for Silco to be sitting across his desk from a young woman almost curled up in on herself with her legs tossed over one of the chair's arms as she sulks. At least by appearance alone, she looks like she's about Jinx's age, and her eyes are certainly as brilliantly blue, though they've been focused on toying with her long, dark hair for a while now. It's long enough that Silco has probably gotten back to work, since she doesn't seem like she's in a hurry to talk. But ultimately, boredom wins out. ]
Hey, are you really a vampire?
[ It's actually the first thing she's said at all since Sebastian had brought her in, and considering why she was here at all, it might not be what Silco expects, both in tone and in content. Her voice might carry the notes of childish pouting, but it's still soft and feminine. She has a pretty voice, at least for someone with an ear for such things. Still, though. It's a very question so blunt that most would think it's rude. ]
[ It's all... familiar — but not quite. Vaguely so. Like it is shifted and off-center from wat it should be, but still close enough that there are the vague twinges of an emotion that Silco has already smoked through about a cigar and a half in full before Diva actually speaks up. He's mostly ignoring her pouting — something Silco is good at — and working through some of Draumahol's most recent requests and stock lists. It isn't interesting work, but necessary, and while Silco could delegate it, such busywork is perfect for a man who cut his fingers on logistics as a boy, and he knows what patterns to look for.
It's easy to see who is filching what and where when you see the numbers every week. What looks wrong, what looks correct, and where things are moving faster than anticipated, why, when, who worked, it's all very easy to get caught up in. Distractions, yes, but Silco doesn't want to think about a sullen girl in his office pouting.
It reminds him too much of the one weakness he has. Puts him on edge.
His fingers tighten in the papers as she pipes up, irreverent in her tone, but he only looked up and over the papers at her, before he pulled his cigar from the ashtray.
Predictably, the room smells incredibly offensive. ]
Yes. [ There is a pause, as he considers. ]
I assume you heard that from Sebastian? It is not well known.
[ Not hidden, either, but certainly not well known. ] From what I hear, you've upset Yura. Why not just play his game and cooperate?
[ There's no accusation in the question, but curiosity. She probably gets the sense that she's being tested. ]
[ She twirls a lock of hair around her finger, and she looks at it like it's much more interesting than the conversation with Silco. It's dismissive even in the fact that she doesn't seem to remember Sebastian's name even though he'd doubtlessly introduced himself. There's a pause, and it's not exactly a answer to Silco's question, but it half-answers it. It's really more of an answer to the first question. ]
I don't like humans.
[ It's a simple statement, but there's a sense that there's a lot behind it. She doesn't elaborate because Silco is a stranger, but it's at least implicit that part of why she was here at all was that little sense of camaraderie. Though honestly, even if she were to elaborate, it would be poorly. She doesn't have the words for it, and in part, she's still picking through her own feelings in how Kenos changes everything she knows.
Her dislike of humans was a very, very lonely thing where she's from. All the Chiropterans in the world could be counted on her hands, and of those that were born that way...? That was only her and sister. So, that there were so many people in Kenos and that they could just be that was dizzying. Even Silco just casually confirming what would be an extremely loaded question at home feels near-revelatory. But her expression stays distant and cool, even as she finally looks towards him. ]
His rules are stupid. [ Blunt, yet again... ] There's plenty to eat up in Highstorm. I don't want to come down here to do it.
[ Silco offered a soft scoff, and a roll of his eyes. ] No wonder he brought you here. I don't like anybody.
[ Untrue, but mostly true. Silco only liked people that were either Jinx or useful, and usefulness was fair-weather. His lips twitched, as she continued, complaining about Yura's rules, and he doesn't exactly think she's wrong. She's correct, at least for someone who lives in a place where getting stabbed over a good coat was probably as high a possibility as being killed for food or coin. Those that couldn't handle it were clearly weaker.
That being said... ]
Then don't. [ He said with a shrug. ] Just hide it better, instead of leaving them for Yura to find.
[ Did Silco always feed from Ryad or Sebastian? No, but he used the pathway that Bloody Marie's offered, fed in the privacy of his home, and then disposed of the corpses quietly and quickly. That he was a high-ranking member of Zenith too was another boon for him. Maybe not for her, but... ]
Yura is concerned with those who are out of control, and he has the position and power to back it.
[ He waved a hand, dismissively. ] Either you overthrow him, or you work around it.
Or you come down to Kowloon occasionally. Is it so bad? [ Another twitch of his lips that could be considered a near-mean smile. ] Topsiders don't tend to enjoy being here.
[ Her cool expression finally shifts, but it twists up in confusion. Silco's answer also connects some pieces for why Sebastian had brought her here, but only a little. It's not like she knows Sebastian any better either, so his motivations are even more mysterious.
That's not what she considers at the moment, though. There's a lot in Silco's words, and she's not sure where to start. So, she goes with the part she has the immediate answer for. The mean smile is met with a little roll of her eyes, but she looks away as she sinks a little further into the chair so that her legs dangle further over the side. ]
I don't like it. You can't see the sky here.
[ She says it petulantly, and it's definitely an odd thing to focus on compared to everything else about Kowloon. However, while there were other things she disliked about Kowloon (its dirtiness, its ugliness—), that characteristic was what bothered her the most. It was claustrophic here. For someone that had spent the majority of her waking years completely, utterly confined, the way the underground city was so enclosed made her feel anxious.
Of course, not that she would admit it that way. Even if Silco were someone she were very close to, she wouldn't say it that honestly.
She huffs out a sigh and kicks her feet a little. The rest of what he said is harder than that. She's tempted to just go silent and sulk again, but paradoxically, the fact that he said he didn't like anyone made her feel a little more comfortable. ]
Ugh... He told me, but it's not like I knew before. [ Which may be true, but Yura had also recognized immediately (and accurately) that even with the knowledge, she would just ignore it... ] He's just like Sister—too concerned with what humans think. Who cares?
[ She leaves off the thought that comes with it. What, so he'd kill me too? I don't care. ]
What do you do, then? I didn't leave them out to find. He just... found out.
[ He corrected, automatically. ] It is not merely humans he has to concern himself with, you know. There are all matter of beings here, some even longer-lived than vampires, in fact.
[ Not that Silco thought that he would benefit from a Vampire's longevity, at least unless Zenith won this grand philosophical argument turned war. He had no doubts that if he did not, he would be murdered — and we know later he would have been truly — but he did feel the distinction was moderately important. ] Though the reason for control can be more than simply what they think. [ He waved a hand, dismissively. ] It keeps them compliant, and calm. They remain focused on our enemy, and less on what could end them from within.
[ Though, as for her second question... ]
My kills are not where anyone can see, and generally they... are fully compliant with my requests until the moment they realize what is happening. [ for no reason whatsoever... ]
No trace, beyond a missing person, and around here... [ A shrug. ]
Kowloon may have no sky, but it also has its advantages. Nobody cares about the individual here. Nobody cares about you. It means one can disappear, and nobody will question it.
You simply have to not take so much that you are noticed.
[ She responds automatcally to the correction of "mortals" sulkily, but listens otherwise. Well, mostly. The first part has a familiar tone, but it's an uninteresting sort. The perception of mortals, how to navigate among them, how to manipulate the world... Those were things that Amshel was interested in, not her. More than she even recognized, in fact, because his machinations for the world were one thing, but he was just as interested in keeping calm compliance. It was just for Diva herself.
The rest is more interesting to her, at least. It's a little comforting to hear that he does kill them. In her first, curious wanderings into places like Bloody Marie's, she'd been quietly hopeful for finding people like her, but once she'd heard them talking about "behaving" in how they drank... No, they weren't alike at all, it had turned out.
She hums a thoughtful, melodic note as she mulls it over, but as she comes to some kind of decision, her gaze drifts away from Silco and up towards the low rafters that are perfect for lounging on. ]
Would you show me, then?
[ The question is casual, but there's a subtle tone to it that also makes it seem like this is a little bit of a test for him. ]
[ There's a pause, and Silco's eyes knitted with vague confusion because he really wasn't sure what she was asking at first. It's probably the mark of a younger — newer — vampire, that it doesn't quite connect for long enough for him to voice his confusion, before he finally figures it out, and his lips twitch, with something close to amusement. ]
How I hunt?
[ A single eye blinked, curious.
Silco was, probably obviously, a very private person. Hunting with Sebastian was one thing, the Demon knew most of his secrets and weaknesses at this point, and their contract kept him from betraying him. At least he thought so.
Mostly.
Silco had not allowed many to even know he was a vampire, and there was something...vulnerable about consuming like that. Taking blood in a way that still made his skin crawl, the implied closeness something that made his hackles rise instinctively, and make him want to rend and kill instead of survive. It was fading, with time, passing into something closer to cold necessity. The only difference between his fangs and a knife in the belly was how close he had to get, after all.
Though... the girl seemed to need the guidance, and there was something interesting about her curiosity. Silco stop adopting psychotic girls please ]
[ The way he tosses the question back at her makes her sigh petulantly again, since it's an answer that's veering towards disappointing. The mark isn't one she picks up on, at least, since her understanding is so specific. More than thinking he's recently become a vampire, she thinks he must be boring. Someone more like Solomon who insists on doing things quietly.
...However, even that thought makes her expression twist up just a little. Part of it is just for her bitter feelings about Solomon in general, but most of it is just that horrible, aching feeling that plagues her. There's just a distance between her and other people that seems insurmountable, since understanding is something she deeply craves, but it's an incredibly difficult thing to find. She'd never met a human that could, and even though there were creatures here that were similar to her... It seems the more she learns, the more that there's still that great distance.
It's brief, though. When Silco goes against her expectations and does agree, she looks back to him with immediate, but bright surprise. ]
Really?
[ She's still a little hesitant, but her expression does warm just a little bit. She glances away and seems to consider something, but with a little nod, she finally stands from the chair that Sebastian had placed her in and she hadn't moved from since. She combs through her hair with her fingers automatically to resettle it, but she meanders closer to Silco's desk. ]
Let's go now, then. [ She looks at the paperwork on his desk to appraise it, and honestly... It's inscrutable to her. It wouldn't actually change her follow-up, though. ] You're not busy, right?
[ There's also a certain tone to her voice that's not quite an order, but it's more presumption. It's fairly clear that she's used to getting what she wants without much pushback. ]
[ He is busy, but as always its busy work, and there's enough of a look in Diva's eyes that Silco paused, his thin fingers paused over another stack of paperwork. Sure, he couldn't read minds, or any other such abilities that vampires have seemed to sport, but Silco knows the look on her face, because he's seen it many times before. It's a familiar one, a bitter... something; like there's a dark specter somewhere behind her, shadowing everything that she touches.
He knows that look, of course, or something similar to it.
There's a pause, and his lips tighten, his jaw, his fingers instinctively reach up to a space where he keeps something important, like he's holding his fingers to a space close to his heart. He lets it fall with just as much instinct, as if he was holding a space in his ribs, and he shrugged. ]
I suppose there is no harm. My work can wait.
[ He stood, pocketing his lighter, cigars, and a small knife was slipped into some space at his leg. Silco went out nothing but prepared. ]
We'll go out the front, today.
[ Silco was, predictably, extremely easily bullied by psychotic girls who wouldn't take no for an answer. ]
[ Diva stares at him expectantly, and when he just stares back at her for a moment in that pause, she misunderstands what the hesitation is. How could she know, after all? So, she thinks to encourage him in the only way she really knows how. All men are the same, right? It’s at least what she thinks, though she’s off the mark with Silco…
So, she steps closer to the desk and puts her hands on it. She leans forward just a little bit, looking doe-eyed and pretty, like she’s just about to say “please”. In her experience, it’s how she wraps men around her finger. They’re weak to her femininity and the sort of supernatural beauty that vampires are famous for. It’s all she knows it to be.
Of course, what she thinks of as coquettish just matches who she’s unknowingly mirroring. So, when he agrees, she definitely has the wrong impression. rip silco probably ]
Yay! It definitely can, yes!
[ She trots around the desk with quick, bouncy steps, then grabs one of his hands to truly start to tug him away insistently. He said yes, so that means now, she truly wasn’t kidding. ]
I’m definitely more fun. You don’t look like you eat enough anyways.
[ Silco swallowed, when she leaned forward. It's far too much like who his mind lingers on, and his lips twitch. Diva probably thinks that it's working, given the way the man seems to draw back slightly, his unblinking eye matched by his other, a mismatched look that seemed to bore some meaning into the way she leaned forward. It's easy to misconstrue the way he looks at her, given that she's seeing something from him that's wholly different from what he's seeing from her.
Go figure. Silco's life is a comedy of misunderstandings, isn't it? ]
I eat plenty.
[ He protests, though he's drug along all the same. It's a weak one, given that Silco... looks like that, and he's easily tugged around by her like a reedy sack of twigs. He's surprisingly compliant, given that he'd recently said "I don't like anybody", but his compliance only goes so far, and as soon as she's trying to tug him through the door he rights himself and pulls away, and adjusts his glove before the previously distant thudding of the club explodes in sound when he opened the door, aiming to leave, though plenty of eyes follow the kingpin down the stairs and out the Front door as he moves. ]
Come on, if you're in such a hurry, I assume you're the one who's interested in a meal.
[ She retorts back without even so much as a beat, but it’s followed by a disappointed little noise as he pulls away. It’s partially just a pouting continuation of the game she thinks she’s playing with Silco, but… She really does crave touch and affection too.
She doesn’t complain any further, though. Her happy smile does turn to a frown when he opens the door, since it’s loud, unpleasantly so. Luckily, Sebastian had already dealt with that particular tantrum too. It had taken a fair amount of time before he’d taken her up to Silco for babysitting, honestly…
Diva isn’t wholly comfortable in a place this loud and busy. All of the attention on Silco (and by extent, her) makes her skin crawl with a low-grade anxiety that had very much been instilled in her, so she stays close as she trails behind him. It’s subtle, since her expression and posture are still bubbly, but she’s almost following in his shadow like he might block others from seeing her. ]
Yes, but you’re eating too. [ She says it like it’s something definitive, but it’s also hard to take seriously from her. ] What type do you like? I like beautiful men. Like, I tried to eat your servant, or whatever he is, but he didn’t taste right at all.
shoves my hand over the date we had dragon con that's my excuse
[ He murmured, his tone just barely audible over the rush of sound in the club. It sure is loud, being one of the party nights in Draumahol, and between the sloshing of liquor, the hoots and shrieks of the club goers, and the occasional clouds of different colored vapors in the air — all lit with neon lights that flickered and strobed with whatever music was playing. Whatever it was, it wasn't to his taste, but Silco didn't really have much of a taste in music.
He was happy to take the lead, letting her remain in his shadow — and wasn't that also just too much? Too similar. Sure, Jinx would often fly off the handle, or explode forward when she decided things were going too slow, but there were times where she just wanted to stay back, and remain out of the limelight.
Odd. He can see why Sebastian brought her to him, even though it was yet another cruelty to flay him even further. ]
I prefer whatever is convenient, and easy. I don't generally look for anything.
[ Silco has not embraced the inherent seductive nature of being a Vampire, unfortunately. He opened the door, to lead them outside, where the rush of the club's stuffy, drug-hazed air seems to rush out when he does so. ]
I learned a long time ago that preferences mean very little when it comes to food. It is best to eat what you can, when you can. This hasn't changed since I... [ God, what even is the word. ] Altered.
[ It’s not clear whether she hears him or not, since she doesn’t respond to Sebastian being an acquired taste or even try and strike up more conversation until they’re outside. One they’re out of the noise of the club to the (comparatively) quitter streets, she noticeably relaxes. She doesn’t step as closely after him, and her attention instead turns up to look at the tall, ramshackle buildings that tower over the alley.
She makes a neutral noise to his explanation, almost like she’s not really listening and is more interested in their surroundings now. That’s not it, though. She understands what he means acutely, since she’d spent decades starved just shy of death. It wasn’t like she knew anything different until later, but at the time? She had to eat whatever Amshel or Joel brought, and that was that. She doesn’t like to talk about it.
But as he pauses, she looks back to him. ]
Altered… So, you weren’t born this way.
[ It’s an important distinction to her, who was. Her gaze drifts away again, and she plays with her hair idly as Silco leads the way. ]
[ He sees no harm in it, he isn't even ashamed of it. Then again, in Silco's warped little brain, that's a point of pride to be normal and then find a way to exceed it. His voice sounds prideful when he says it. ]
I do enjoy it, though. [ He rolled a shoulder, his feet silent. It's still loud, sound echoes on the high walls, but it's emptier, less crowded. People mill about, but it's subdued compared to the inside of the club, where milling bodies seem so packed and loud. The space does a lot of heavy lifting. It also helps that the twists and hallways seem to scale up, but Draumahol was at the ground floor -- a privilege.
He turns toward a part of the small area that seems to have fewer people. He knows Kowloon's pathways like the back of his hand by now. ]
Why wouldn't I? I am faster, stronger, and I lack the weaknesses that I had as a man. I have some new ones, but between Kolwoon and Highstorm, they do not seem to cause trouble.
[ A city of night and a cave, Silco's haunts are well suited for vampirism. ]
[ As they walk, Silco might notice a piece of what had gotten Diva into “trouble” in the first place. Her attention seems to be elsewhere as they walk, gawking openly at things as they pass by, and very much looking like someone who doesn’t belong here. She’s only been at the very highest echelons of society, so Kowloon is completely, totally new to her. And with the way she simply looks, well… She looks like an easy mark at the most charitable view.
Of course, unlike most young women who could be in those same social strata, it’s also telling that she doesn’t seem scared. It would be easy to assume it’s because she’s naïve, and that’s true, but that’s not why she isn’t scared. Anyone that would seek to take advantage should be scared of her instead. ]
Mmm…
[ She hums out a little note, and she curls her hair around her fingers more tightly. She’s the one that asked, and his question is a fair one, but… She’s not used to talking to people like this. Being honest like this. Amshel had always made it clear that she wasn’t supposed to tell people what she was, not under any circumstance, and though it doesn’t matter here, she still feels a pang of that uncertainty. ]
They do. It’s why I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but here… It’s not really the same. There’s lots of people that aren’t human. You can tell just by looking at them.
[ That had been a shock but a great relief. It’s what gave her at least the little bit of confidence to not need to pretend to be human. She pauses again, considering whether she wants to say what’s on her mind, but if he seems to like it… Maybe it’s fine, she thinks. He’d at least be on her side, probably, and she’s right. More than she could possibly know. ]
I don't know if anyone liked it. My sister killed me because she disliked it so much.
[ and like sure the lore was you can’t be dead and come to kenos but this is psl land and it’s narratively convenient!!! ]
[ It's odd, because Silco is, quite frankly, used to non-humans since runeterra is weird and just has Weird Little Guys thrown in at the whims of whoever designs characters. He often doesn't really realize that there are people who aren't used to it, until someone says something, like Diva mentioning it offhand. His lips twitch, with a wry sort of look that somewhat falls when she continues. ]
Ah.
[ Is all he says for a long moment. Long enough that Diva probably thinks that he isn't on her side. His lips twitch, and his eyes look everywhere but at her. Mostly, he looks up at the high ceiling, his lips flattened into a line. ]
That is her flaw.
[ He says, finally. ]
That she blames you for her shortcomings is, perhaps, the most predictable thing that a sister can do.
[ His tone turns dark as he speaks, a hiss of something in there. To be fair, Diva can likely understand it, it just sounds like weary, old hate. Left so long it has become as rotten and fetid as the scar on his face. ]
[ She quickly feels like she mistepped. His reaction makes her stop twirling her hair around her fingers, and though she still walks with him, her expression turns sharply, but it’s not anger or upset. It’s… nothing. It’s a blank, placid smile that doesn’t reach her eyes at all. She feels it as rejection, but also confirmation of all of her worst impulses in how she thinks about people. So, the thought crosses her mind that she’ll kill him. She didn’t want to be here anyways, and of course a stranger wouldn’t understand. She was stupid for letting that slip out.
So, his actual response is a shock.
Despite how quickly she can make her face a perfect, pretty mask, calling Saya’s decision a flaw immediately cracks it again. Her attention snaps to him instead, almost as sharply as if she’d been struck. ]
…You think so?
[ In comparison to the sharp sound of his voice, hers is softer. It’s quiet enough that it could almost be missed in the noise of the streets, but the fact that she steps a little more quickly to catch up to him rather than linger a few steps behind is telling even if it’s missed. However, there’s no subtlety with her question that’s easier to catch. ]
I had someone I called brother once. He tried to do the same. Kill me, because I was inconvenient, because I was a reminder of all of his flaws.
[ It's hard to keep the bite out of his voice, and really, he doesn't try all that hard. How much did he know, about how someone you loved like a sibling could destroy you? Just like this girl, her behavior so much like... it's probably not surprising that she has been through nearly the same thing, is it? ]
He did not succeed. And suffered for it, in the end.
[ He does not remember the knife sinking into his back anymore, it's a mess of static in his brain thanks to Birdie's attempt on his memories, but he knows Vander is dead. He knows, and he knows he held a part in it.
Ah! You killed him, right? Tell me that you killed him!
[ She’s back to bright and bubbly, just like that. She clings to his arm again and looks up at him with a delighted laugh. It gives the impression that she agrees with his hate and that she might be living vicariously through the story, even if the truth was much darker and sadder.
Despite everything… She still loved Saya. At least, she called it love. It was messier and more desperate than that, because her life had been so unfathomably lonely that she’d wanted nothing more than her sister’s love. If even her twin sister couldn’t love her, then…
…It’s a feeling that doesn’t matter. ]
Mm, that’s pretty much what I told her, and she didn’t like it! That she was just killing me to justify her own existence… Her face was so scary!
[ But she says it airily, like she was sharing petty, vicious gossip rather than relaying the story of her own death. There’s something familiar about that too—not the story itself, but how she clings to him. She carries herself like it’s something playful, a teasing game, but the way her hands grip his arm is a little more desperate than that. ]
I told her she should just kill herself if she hated it that much. Bringing me into it was so unfair, don’t you think…?
[ His lips twitch, and he says with uncertainty: ]
I don't know. It thought I did, but... [ He shook his head. ] It's gone. The memory. Someone took it here, and I don't remember what happened, other than the fact that I snuck up on him, tortured him, and then...
[ A wave of his free hand, as if it's gone. ] Don't worry, though. I made sure she died for that one too.
[ Well, handed her over to Aetós, but hey! She died in the end. ]
Really, if she wanted to put an end to her pain, taking it out on you was never going to be the path to finding what she wanted.
[ He remembered Vander's shadow more than his face, when he'd tried to kill him. He'll never forget the way hands felt on his neck, though. Asphyxiating, drowning, unable to breath through force, and the feeling of water rushing in every time he opened his mouth. ]
She should have left well enough alone. Maybe then she would have learned there was someone else who understood her, instead of tossing you aside like refuse.
[ Her expression is still bright as she listens, but truthfully, a lot of it goes over her head. Someone being able to take a memory doesn’t make sense to her, and it seems even stranger that it’s something as important as he half-describes… But that’s fine. She understands the intent, and she finds satisfaction in the similarity. Maybe a bit of comfort, even, but that’s not a feeling she tends to put too much faith in.
Her grip on his arm relaxes a little as the subtle, nervous tension eases out. He’s saying exactly what she wants to hear, and she’s weak to that. Even if he wouldn’t be her choice of person to cling to in terms of his looks, his words are nice to hear. ]
Right? But that’s my sister for you… She had everything easy, but she’d tell you she’s had the hardest life of anyone.
[ Maybe that’s a little unfair, since she knows Saya has had her struggles too, but when Diva compares it to her own life… It’s nothing. She leans her head against Silco’s shoulder with a content sigh, even so. Or rather, she ignores that unpleasant feeling, as she always does. If Silco doesn’t disappoint her, then maybe she’ll tell him about the tower, about why Saya was so, so cruel… But for now, he’s just a new, interesting stranger. She’ll indulge in the feeling, even if it ends up being fleeting. ]
That means you and I are friends now, you know?
[ Apparently, it’s as easy as that. She’s breezy and childish about it, but Silco would be fair to assume that this is still a statement with conditions. Even if he hasn’t seen it firsthand, clearly the circumstances that had put her in his charge means she’s volatile. ]
I’ve never met anyone that understands exactly what I mean about my dear sister.
[ He says, but half of that is to diffuse the situation a little, at least mean that there are others, half because it's true, and half because... with how she leaned against his shoulder, he feels that nervous urge to twitch and move away. Normally, he would, because Silco was nothing if not someone who fought overtures of friendliness, and having someone close meant that someone could kill him. Few had made it through that armor, and someone so recently arrived leaves him with that old crawling up his spine.
He doesn't though, because on the other hand, he does understand this. Just as much as he understands her, he knows what it is to have someone as close as a sibling, who would minimize the struggle. ]
There are others, but you will find that here, there are just more of the type like your sister. [ He hisses it out, derisive. ] They won't understand it, but instead they will ask you to see how she feels. Take her side by automatic choice.
[ He thinks of how many people admired Vander upon arrival. Of course they did. Why would he expect anything different? ]
[ The change in her expression as he explains is subtle. It’s likely something he won’t pick up on, since it would require more familiarity to notice, but the light airiness of her smile very much becomes something worn rather than felt. She was molded to be like a beautiful doll, after all. It’s easier to love her when she didn’t show those difficult, ugly feelings.
…But it’s still painful. It’s a tight vice around her heart, because his words confirm all her worst biases and worries. Even this wondrous place where people like her could just be, it still had caveats. Sister was always the one that was right. Beloved. Asking her to consider how Saya feels… It’s such a cruel question to ask that she’d tear out the tongue of anyone that dared. She had before. That’s why she’s the monster, right?
So. His hope catches her a little off guard.
Diva looks up at him curiously, and the put-upon smile softens into one that gives a very innocent impression in her surprise. She’s clearly searching his expression and trying to guess at his sincerity. It’s not a sentiment she’s used to receiving, clearly. ]
Really?
[ She quickly glances away like she’s embarrassed by the vulnerability of that question. Her hands move on his arm like she’s going to pull away, but after a brush of consideration, she stays. ]
Good or bad, child. It doesn't matter. [ It's a bit nihilistic. Being here, he has been too close in proximity to those he would have not even been allowed near. The types. The ones who could do nothing but justify their cruelties through a veneer of kind actions, a cover that did little to cover the harm that they did not see in their wake. Was it worse to be a monster, sloughing through the muck, crushing under their feet unwittingly, or the precise monster, who killed everything in its wake because it knew it had to?
Silco was the latter. This girl seemed the latter. The rest... they were those ignorant monsters. The kind that didn't bother to see what they did, or ignored it.
This sister of hers was likely the same. "Good". Seen as "right", when the cruelties were just as frequent, turned on an unlikable target. ]
It is the why. What drives you to do them?
[ Bad things. He knew that she didn't understand this, but how much did that remind him of his daughter? Even now, the signs of it. It's like she's a ghost haunting his every action. Even if she isn't here, his thoughts circle around that gemstone kept in his pocket — every reminder like a lance. ]
[ His quick assessment pulls a little “oh” from her immediately as she glances away, but it’s a reaction that doesn’t feel like it matches. It’s demure and light, like she’s a noble lady responding to flirtation that flusters her, but there’s no further sign of that kind of affection. There’s no blush, no movement of her hands on his arm, and most of all, the look in her eyes is hard to place. It’s eerie and disconnected, like she’s acting out something she feels she should do, but she doesn’t know why.
Maybe he can hear it, though, since some vampires were attuned to one thing in particular.
Her heartrate spikes with sharp feeling. It’s anxiety, fear, and loathing because just that makes her want to do those bad things. She has the craving to tear him apart piece by piece, because it’s what she’d wanted to hear. It doesn’t matter, he says, but it always does. He calls her child, but even Amshel never did that. It’s because he doesn’t know. If she kills him first, then she can’t be disappointed when he changes his mind.
It twists up in her chest painfully. She thinks this is how people feel when they want to cry, but she hasn’t done that in decades. So… ]
It feels good.
[ Her answer is simple and cool, and it’s another strange contrast. It doesn’t feel dishonest, but more that there’s a deep pit underneath it. Maybe she doesn’t know how to express it any differently. With her heart still fluttering like she's in pain, she looks back to him with a placid, pretty smile that doesn't reach to her eyes. ]
[ The heartbeat thuds in his ears, because he can hear that as clear as day. Something that speaks clearer than her words did, and his lips twitch, because he knows what it is to feel relieved, feel good when the blade plunges into a body. When that small morsel of satisfaction settles into his heart and his chest, and when he feels like it is right.
Power.
That's what it feels like. Domination. Like being able to wrest control from an uncontrollable world. From reality that stings and writhes, chaos that needs to make sense. ]
Of course it does.
[ He says simply, he only flicked his eyes down to her, and then back to the street in front of them, Kowloon's crowded hallways ahead. ]
It's power, after all. To act, to shape things to your will. Whatever path it takes, it should feel good, if it is what you want to do.
[ Silco, it could be said, might be the worst influence on her. He smiled, a twitch of it that's almost authentic. ]
If society tells you to hide yourself, and your whims, and your wants, what society is that? If it wants to tell you that you should be less, then be transgressive, and fight against that. If it feels good, then do it. Either you will find a stronger will than your own, or they will crumple before you.
I suspect they would be crushed beneath your thumb, don't you think?
[ The answer soothes her, since it’s familiar. It sounds a lot like something her Chevalier would say, because they’ve always been men that love power. That was why Amshel picked them for her, and after Grigori, she’d never held the illusion again that it was anything but their selfish desires. But she didn’t mind. They were the only people allowed to know her, so it was better than nothing. She doesn’t hope for more.
So, she relaxes minutely, but it’s with a laugh. It’s familiar, but that includes the misunderstanding. At least for once, she can just say it. ]
You’re thinking too much about it. I just kill people because it feels better when I do. I’m not going to be changing society or anything like that. I don’t like humans, so I don’t care about them.
[ It sounds silly to her, honestly. She doesn’t want to fight against society or have people bow down to her. That’s what men like this want, and she doesn’t mind if she’s their excuse for it. That feels like some kind of decision in her head, so she hums out a pleased note and hugs his arm more tightly as she leans her head against his arm, now all warm affection. Her moods seem to change quickly. ]
But I like you! You’re the one crushing people, right? I can tell.
[ She laughs again, and it's light and breezy in a sharp contrast to her words. ]
I can help you crush them, if that's what you want.
[ How much she reminded him... of his daughter, of Jinx. Her shard in his pocket, a body-warmth, humming piece of his daughter always at his side. He wondered if she would hate this girl, or if they would become thick as thieves? Based on their conversation already, they were both as capricious as any, and he could imagine that they both would either enjoy or hate the other.
It was a thought experiment, though. Silco had long-been understanding that Kenos could not hold his daughter here. She was too much, too bright, too explosive, too... too...
He looked at the girl, and nodded. ]
I do wish for that.
[ He said, with a soft tone, like it is a secret he is sharing. Something private between the two of them.
A promise. ]
I want to make them all understand what it is they ignore. What they look down upon, and how strong the ignored can be, when pushed.
[ He looks at her, but she doesn’t look at him. It’s hard to tell if that’s something intentional or just a meaningless whim, but everything from her smile to her grip on his arm just seems… content. Without knowing, they’re both providing each other shades of familiarity. She’s a shade of Jinx, and Silco is shades of all of her Chevalier.
…This little secret he whispers to her feels like James, she thinks. A man who wanted to prove himself to people that thought him lesser. It should probably hurt to know that he’d died at Saya’s hands too, but the feeling doesn’t come. She just looks up to Silco. She’s all sweet, saccharine innocence to the point that it’s hard to believe that there’s enough violence in her that Yura would have been upset, that Sebastian would have plucked her away for something for Silco to deal with.
That is, he’d gotten a quick read on Jinx and Silco’s relationship, clearly. ]
Then if we’ll be friends, I’ll help! I’m…
[ She laughs, glancing away again. She’d started speaking before fully knowing what to say, since she’s still wrestling with the deeply ingrained habits of not sharing secrets with “outsiders” versus whatever this new reality was. Ultimately… She only has to remind herself that she’s dead. What secrets are even worth carrying anymore? ]
Well, I’ve never been on my own, you know? So if you can look after me, that would be nice! And I’m really strong, so I can just kill anyone that you don’t like. It’s easy!
[ She may not look violent, but Silco knows better. Diva doesn't need to look all that violent, he can see the shades of it, what Sebastian identified, the sprightly burst of everything that he associated with Jinx. That spark of fire and destruction that could rain down on anyone who would have told her no. That spark of destruction that made Silco think of a cannery on fire, and crying in the rain.
His lips twitched, almost a smile. A ghost of one, before it's tugged back down. He so rarely smiles now, and if he does, they are false. The real ones — they are aborted before he can allow them to reach his eyes.
A part of him aches, when he looks at her. When he sees a broken reflection of Jinx before him. ]
Can you?
[ He asked.
He liked to think that he could do it on his own, but... he knew. He knew that as much as he wanted to be the monster, he was simply not a combatant. He never had been. His few brushes with it were ineffective at best. ]
And how can I look after you? It sounds like I'm hardly needed, am I?
[ Jinx still needed him. He knew she did. She was so...fragile.
[ Diva nods confidently, though the reality is a bit different from what Silco is imagining, as he’ll find out in due time. She’s not a combatant either. Honestly, she’s probably even less so than Silco, but what she lacks in skill is made up in sheer, relentless brutality. Her biology and her background combine in a way that makes her terrifying.
And of course, there’s the detail that it’s hard for most people to believe that’s the case. Her affect is disarming, though unlike a certain demon, there’s no intentionality in that choice. Silco is getting the full experience of that, because the second question surprises her. ]
Oh...
[ She trails off melodically as she thinks about it, because she really hadn’t thought about what it meant. For the purely practical, she really doesn’t need much. Just blood to drink and a place to sleep. She liked luxury, but that was clearly something found more in Yima’s manor than down here with Silco. Yima seemed nice too, so she can guess that she wouldn’t have minded if she’d clung to the matron, but… Diva has some deeply ingrained biases. She’ll always cling to men first. She’ll always want someone like Amshel, first and foremost, because that’s exactly what he’d built up her world to be.
That darker element isn’t something she sees, though. She just thinks of Amshel and his absence, so… That, she guesses? But there is maybe a chance here to ask for something Amshel had always rejected. If Silco says no, it’s okay, she’s used to that, but it’s something a little more vulnerable, and her voice is a little softer to match it. It sounds like she’s expecting a “no”. ]
I don’t know, exactly. I just, um, really hate being alone. More than anything. [ a massive understatement ] So, if I could just pretend to be your daughter, that would be nice, I think. Something like that.
[ The way she phrases it is one sided, because that’s what she naturally expects it to be. She’s never had an experience that would say otherwise, after all. ]
[ His hand instinctively slips into his pocket. He keeps her close — he always keeps her close, the most precious thing in the world to him. His daughter, perfect in her mania, brilliant in her mind, but so distant. Only skin-warm and barely that. Inert. Quiet. Sometimes, he wishes he could just hear her, but she's dead. Until this is over with, he can't do anything but wait for her. Deal to ensure her survival, but that's all he has.
He wants, so desperately to hold her face in his hands.
This girl is not Jinx. There are parts of her that feel like a shattered reflection of Jinx. Parts of her but not the whole. His daughter was different.
He would be furious if she was the same.
Something in his face twitches. The briefest twist of that weary, tired pain. He feels as if the day will never come. ]
You can't —
[ Replace her. No, he can't let anything slip. How many people know? Yima, Set, Sebastian. How many until she is taken away from him? If she pretends, will people not look towards his pocket, where he keeps his most precious gem?
Would he have to relive that pain of picking up her limp body over and over and over again, if he told her yes? ]
Did you have one before? A parent?
[ Better, keep it on her. He can calculate, and it will keep Jinx's condition distant. ]
luckily she's ultra blorbo and her voice will never die
[ As soon as he repeats it, she knows the answer. She can tell from his tone, and though she looks away from him, she doesn’t seem disappointed. She doesn’t seem to feel anything about it at all, as if asking was just a meaningless whim. ]
That’s okay, then.
[ Her response is also immediate and it’s given before he even asks his question. It’s the “no” she expected, so she can’t feel anything about it. That’s how she compartmentalizes it, at least, because it’s a flavor of disappointment that’s perfectly familiar. His question is far more surprising than that, but the answer is also… ]
Mm, no. Never.
[ There’s another little pause as she considers sharing the story, though she quickly decides to do so. It might seem like that pause would come from hesitation because of the horror of the story, but it’s not. Rather, it’s just novel to get to share it at all. It’s a freedom she’s never really had before, because everything about her, it’s always been a secret. It feels like a childish little thrill to disobey that kind of order. ]
Sister was the one that got to have a family. I’m the one that they experimented on. What’s the word… She was the standard? Something like that?
[ “Control” is the word she’s looking for, but even if she doesn’t reach the clinical word, she probably doesn’t need to. “Experimented” says it all, even if she’s unsettlingly conversational about the topic. ]
Well, it doesn’t matter. The point is, she was the lucky one. Joel just kept me locked up in the tower to test everything they could think of. I was born there, and he didn’t even bother naming me, so I mean it when I say I don’t have a parent, you know?
[ He says it simply. Understands it for what it is.
She was the unwanted one. The discarded one. The one they locked away to use when convenient, and what would happen when she wasn't? Her sister was the one they wanted, clearly, and oh... how did he feel about that? She says it's fine, but Silco understands her a touch better now. He won't reverse his decision (ah, but won't he?) but he now...
Perhaps there's a different role, here. Something that would be better.
He knows what it is to be discarded. ]
I know what it is, to be... the unlucky one.
[ His lips twitch. Like peeling back around a mouth full of teeth that are too much. Like a beast that snaps at any hand that comes near. ]
You are not alone, in that. [ A sigh. ] Just because I would not be a parent to you, does not mean I cannot watch over you.
[ Isn't that what a parent does? ]
There are few who would understand where you came from. Being...the one that nobody wanted.
[ Diva nods with a little “that’s it” as he correctly picks the word, but even that is dispassionate for something where the horror is in how clinical it is. There’s plenty that could be guessed at about her from that alone, and yet. It’s the most telling that it’s not describing those circumstances that causes the ripple across her calm expression. It’s hearing Silco relate to her.
She looks up at him again, and her composed poise gives way to a wide-eyed, earnest look. It’s so clearly not what she expected his response to be, and her eyes search his in a way that’s much more vulnerable. There’s playing pretend, and she’s good at that. She can be the untouchable princess that wraps people around her fingers, because at least that way, she’s not alone. Being understood, though, that’s—
…All she wanted. She wants it so badly that it creates another familiar echo of the girl in Silco’s pocket. It’s a little flutter of madness in her gaze, in the way her breath catches, where there’s just too much feeling in her, and it’s all contradictory. It’s distrust, grief, anger, and so much else that she doesn’t even know all its parts, but her immediate impulse is to want to tear him into pieces over it. Killing a sliver of hope herself had always felt better than an inevitable disappointment.
She’d snap too. With how her deceptively delicate hands hold his arm a little tighter for a moment, it seems like she just might. But right before instinct might kick in to tell him to pull away from this dangerous girl (and prove those disappointments right), she breaks the spell herself as she looks down again to hide her face against his arm. That tight grip may be strong, but it just feels like she’s clinging for dear life. ]
That’s right. No one wanted me. I'm just a monster.
[ It’s still uncanny, though, because when she speaks, her voice is clear. Her body language might as well be shouting about pain, like she’d be crying into his sleeve, but there’s nothing like that. Even looking at her face shows completely dry eyes and a blank expression, like she’s not sure what she’s supposed to be showing. ]
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don't mind how long this is btw just lots of stage-setting
However, Diva was pointedly not someone that followed rules. The truth of it was that she didn't really understand them, since her life had been so cultivated and sheltered that she was nearly removed from reality. But part of that was also just being spoiled. The only person she ever listened to without question was Amshel, and since he wasn't here? She'd do what she wanted. It wasn't like anyone could stop her.
...That was what she'd assumed, at least.
As soon as she felt the smallest twinge of hunger, she'd wanted to sate it, and a Highstorm citizen had paid that price. She'd drained them dry. And another. And another. It was the third where Yura had caught wind of a badly behaving vampire, and it was only coincidence that Sebastian had been vistiting at the time. The demon was always perfectly helpful, so... He'd gone with Yura to help solve the problem.
The fact that Sebastian had accompanied him is what had led to this moment in Silco's office. After all, it'd only taken a brief interaction for Sebastian to draw a parallel that was— Well. In terms of his own goals with Silco, he thought it would be interesting, if nothing else. Think of it as a favor to Ryad's patron, Sebastian had said smoothly, because the alternative was clear. If she wouldn't behave, then her Shard would be crushed. It's as simple as that.
Thus, it has to be familiar and even a little nostalgic, if bitterly so for Silco to be sitting across his desk from a young woman almost curled up in on herself with her legs tossed over one of the chair's arms as she sulks. At least by appearance alone, she looks like she's about Jinx's age, and her eyes are certainly as brilliantly blue, though they've been focused on toying with her long, dark hair for a while now. It's long enough that Silco has probably gotten back to work, since she doesn't seem like she's in a hurry to talk. But ultimately, boredom wins out. ]
Hey, are you really a vampire?
[ It's actually the first thing she's said at all since Sebastian had brought her in, and considering why she was here at all, it might not be what Silco expects, both in tone and in content. Her voice might carry the notes of childish pouting, but it's still soft and feminine. She has a pretty voice, at least for someone with an ear for such things. Still, though. It's a very question so blunt that most would think it's rude. ]
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It's easy to see who is filching what and where when you see the numbers every week. What looks wrong, what looks correct, and where things are moving faster than anticipated, why, when, who worked, it's all very easy to get caught up in. Distractions, yes, but Silco doesn't want to think about a sullen girl in his office pouting.
It reminds him too much of the one weakness he has. Puts him on edge.
His fingers tighten in the papers as she pipes up, irreverent in her tone, but he only looked up and over the papers at her, before he pulled his cigar from the ashtray.
Predictably, the room smells incredibly offensive. ]
Yes. [ There is a pause, as he considers. ]
I assume you heard that from Sebastian? It is not well known.
[ Not hidden, either, but certainly not well known. ] From what I hear, you've upset Yura. Why not just play his game and cooperate?
[ There's no accusation in the question, but curiosity. She probably gets the sense that she's being tested. ]
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[ She twirls a lock of hair around her finger, and she looks at it like it's much more interesting than the conversation with Silco. It's dismissive even in the fact that she doesn't seem to remember Sebastian's name even though he'd doubtlessly introduced himself. There's a pause, and it's not exactly a answer to Silco's question, but it half-answers it. It's really more of an answer to the first question. ]
I don't like humans.
[ It's a simple statement, but there's a sense that there's a lot behind it. She doesn't elaborate because Silco is a stranger, but it's at least implicit that part of why she was here at all was that little sense of camaraderie. Though honestly, even if she were to elaborate, it would be poorly. She doesn't have the words for it, and in part, she's still picking through her own feelings in how Kenos changes everything she knows.
Her dislike of humans was a very, very lonely thing where she's from. All the Chiropterans in the world could be counted on her hands, and of those that were born that way...? That was only her and sister. So, that there were so many people in Kenos and that they could just be that was dizzying. Even Silco just casually confirming what would be an extremely loaded question at home feels near-revelatory. But her expression stays distant and cool, even as she finally looks towards him. ]
His rules are stupid. [ Blunt, yet again... ] There's plenty to eat up in Highstorm. I don't want to come down here to do it.
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[ Untrue, but mostly true. Silco only liked people that were either Jinx or useful, and usefulness was fair-weather. His lips twitched, as she continued, complaining about Yura's rules, and he doesn't exactly think she's wrong. She's correct, at least for someone who lives in a place where getting stabbed over a good coat was probably as high a possibility as being killed for food or coin. Those that couldn't handle it were clearly weaker.
That being said... ]
Then don't. [ He said with a shrug. ] Just hide it better, instead of leaving them for Yura to find.
[ Did Silco always feed from Ryad or Sebastian? No, but he used the pathway that Bloody Marie's offered, fed in the privacy of his home, and then disposed of the corpses quietly and quickly. That he was a high-ranking member of Zenith too was another boon for him. Maybe not for her, but... ]
Yura is concerned with those who are out of control, and he has the position and power to back it.
[ He waved a hand, dismissively. ] Either you overthrow him, or you work around it.
Or you come down to Kowloon occasionally. Is it so bad? [ Another twitch of his lips that could be considered a near-mean smile. ] Topsiders don't tend to enjoy being here.
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That's not what she considers at the moment, though. There's a lot in Silco's words, and she's not sure where to start. So, she goes with the part she has the immediate answer for. The mean smile is met with a little roll of her eyes, but she looks away as she sinks a little further into the chair so that her legs dangle further over the side. ]
I don't like it. You can't see the sky here.
[ She says it petulantly, and it's definitely an odd thing to focus on compared to everything else about Kowloon. However, while there were other things she disliked about Kowloon (its dirtiness, its ugliness—), that characteristic was what bothered her the most. It was claustrophic here. For someone that had spent the majority of her waking years completely, utterly confined, the way the underground city was so enclosed made her feel anxious.
Of course, not that she would admit it that way. Even if Silco were someone she were very close to, she wouldn't say it that honestly.
She huffs out a sigh and kicks her feet a little. The rest of what he said is harder than that. She's tempted to just go silent and sulk again, but paradoxically, the fact that he said he didn't like anyone made her feel a little more comfortable. ]
Ugh... He told me, but it's not like I knew before. [ Which may be true, but Yura had also recognized immediately (and accurately) that even with the knowledge, she would just ignore it... ] He's just like Sister—too concerned with what humans think. Who cares?
[ She leaves off the thought that comes with it. What, so he'd kill me too? I don't care. ]
What do you do, then? I didn't leave them out to find. He just... found out.
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[ He corrected, automatically. ] It is not merely humans he has to concern himself with, you know. There are all matter of beings here, some even longer-lived than vampires, in fact.
[ Not that Silco thought that he would benefit from a Vampire's longevity, at least unless Zenith won this grand philosophical argument turned war. He had no doubts that if he did not, he would be murdered — and we know later he would have been truly — but he did feel the distinction was moderately important. ] Though the reason for control can be more than simply what they think. [ He waved a hand, dismissively. ] It keeps them compliant, and calm. They remain focused on our enemy, and less on what could end them from within.
[ Though, as for her second question... ]
My kills are not where anyone can see, and generally they... are fully compliant with my requests until the moment they realize what is happening. [ for no reason whatsoever... ]
No trace, beyond a missing person, and around here... [ A shrug. ]
Kowloon may have no sky, but it also has its advantages. Nobody cares about the individual here. Nobody cares about you. It means one can disappear, and nobody will question it.
You simply have to not take so much that you are noticed.
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[ She responds automatcally to the correction of "mortals" sulkily, but listens otherwise. Well, mostly. The first part has a familiar tone, but it's an uninteresting sort. The perception of mortals, how to navigate among them, how to manipulate the world... Those were things that Amshel was interested in, not her. More than she even recognized, in fact, because his machinations for the world were one thing, but he was just as interested in keeping calm compliance. It was just for Diva herself.
The rest is more interesting to her, at least. It's a little comforting to hear that he does kill them. In her first, curious wanderings into places like Bloody Marie's, she'd been quietly hopeful for finding people like her, but once she'd heard them talking about "behaving" in how they drank... No, they weren't alike at all, it had turned out.
She hums a thoughtful, melodic note as she mulls it over, but as she comes to some kind of decision, her gaze drifts away from Silco and up towards the low rafters that are perfect for lounging on. ]
Would you show me, then?
[ The question is casual, but there's a subtle tone to it that also makes it seem like this is a little bit of a test for him. ]
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[ There's a pause, and Silco's eyes knitted with vague confusion because he really wasn't sure what she was asking at first. It's probably the mark of a younger — newer — vampire, that it doesn't quite connect for long enough for him to voice his confusion, before he finally figures it out, and his lips twitch, with something close to amusement. ]
How I hunt?
[ A single eye blinked, curious.
Silco was, probably obviously, a very private person. Hunting with Sebastian was one thing, the Demon knew most of his secrets and weaknesses at this point, and their contract kept him from betraying him. At least he thought so.
Mostly.
Silco had not allowed many to even know he was a vampire, and there was something...vulnerable about consuming like that. Taking blood in a way that still made his skin crawl, the implied closeness something that made his hackles rise instinctively, and make him want to rend and kill instead of survive. It was fading, with time, passing into something closer to cold necessity. The only difference between his fangs and a knife in the belly was how close he had to get, after all.
Though... the girl seemed to need the guidance, and there was something interesting about her curiosity.
Silco stop adopting psychotic girls please]Well, I suppose there would be no harm in it.
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...However, even that thought makes her expression twist up just a little. Part of it is just for her bitter feelings about Solomon in general, but most of it is just that horrible, aching feeling that plagues her. There's just a distance between her and other people that seems insurmountable, since understanding is something she deeply craves, but it's an incredibly difficult thing to find. She'd never met a human that could, and even though there were creatures here that were similar to her... It seems the more she learns, the more that there's still that great distance.
It's brief, though. When Silco goes against her expectations and does agree, she looks back to him with immediate, but bright surprise. ]
Really?
[ She's still a little hesitant, but her expression does warm just a little bit. She glances away and seems to consider something, but with a little nod, she finally stands from the chair that Sebastian had placed her in and she hadn't moved from since. She combs through her hair with her fingers automatically to resettle it, but she meanders closer to Silco's desk. ]
Let's go now, then. [ She looks at the paperwork on his desk to appraise it, and honestly... It's inscrutable to her. It wouldn't actually change her follow-up, though. ] You're not busy, right?
[ There's also a certain tone to her voice that's not quite an order, but it's more presumption. It's fairly clear that she's used to getting what she wants without much pushback. ]
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He knows that look, of course, or something similar to it.
There's a pause, and his lips tighten, his jaw, his fingers instinctively reach up to a space where he keeps something important, like he's holding his fingers to a space close to his heart. He lets it fall with just as much instinct, as if he was holding a space in his ribs, and he shrugged. ]
I suppose there is no harm. My work can wait.
[ He stood, pocketing his lighter, cigars, and a small knife was slipped into some space at his leg. Silco went out nothing but prepared. ]
We'll go out the front, today.
[ Silco was, predictably, extremely easily bullied by psychotic girls who wouldn't take no for an answer. ]
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So, she steps closer to the desk and puts her hands on it. She leans forward just a little bit, looking doe-eyed and pretty, like she’s just about to say “please”. In her experience, it’s how she wraps men around her finger. They’re weak to her femininity and the sort of supernatural beauty that vampires are famous for. It’s all she knows it to be.
Of course, what she thinks of as coquettish just matches who she’s unknowingly mirroring. So, when he agrees, she definitely has the wrong impression. rip silco probably ]
Yay! It definitely can, yes!
[ She trots around the desk with quick, bouncy steps, then grabs one of his hands to truly start to tug him away insistently. He said yes, so that means now, she truly wasn’t kidding. ]
I’m definitely more fun. You don’t look like you eat enough anyways.
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Go figure. Silco's life is a comedy of misunderstandings, isn't it? ]
I eat plenty.
[ He protests, though he's drug along all the same. It's a weak one, given that Silco... looks like that, and he's easily tugged around by her like a reedy sack of twigs. He's surprisingly compliant, given that he'd recently said "I don't like anybody", but his compliance only goes so far, and as soon as she's trying to tug him through the door he rights himself and pulls away, and adjusts his glove before the previously distant thudding of the club explodes in sound when he opened the door, aiming to leave, though plenty of eyes follow the kingpin down the stairs and out the Front door as he moves. ]
Come on, if you're in such a hurry, I assume you're the one who's interested in a meal.
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[ She retorts back without even so much as a beat, but it’s followed by a disappointed little noise as he pulls away. It’s partially just a pouting continuation of the game she thinks she’s playing with Silco, but… She really does crave touch and affection too.
She doesn’t complain any further, though. Her happy smile does turn to a frown when he opens the door, since it’s loud, unpleasantly so. Luckily, Sebastian had already dealt with that particular tantrum too. It had taken a fair amount of time before he’d taken her up to Silco for babysitting, honestly…
Diva isn’t wholly comfortable in a place this loud and busy. All of the attention on Silco (and by extent, her) makes her skin crawl with a low-grade anxiety that had very much been instilled in her, so she stays close as she trails behind him. It’s subtle, since her expression and posture are still bubbly, but she’s almost following in his shadow like he might block others from seeing her. ]
Yes, but you’re eating too. [ She says it like it’s something definitive, but it’s also hard to take seriously from her. ] What type do you like? I like beautiful men. Like, I tried to eat your servant, or whatever he is, but he didn’t taste right at all.
shoves my hand over the date we had dragon con that's my excuse
[ He murmured, his tone just barely audible over the rush of sound in the club. It sure is loud, being one of the party nights in Draumahol, and between the sloshing of liquor, the hoots and shrieks of the club goers, and the occasional clouds of different colored vapors in the air — all lit with neon lights that flickered and strobed with whatever music was playing. Whatever it was, it wasn't to his taste, but Silco didn't really have much of a taste in music.
He was happy to take the lead, letting her remain in his shadow — and wasn't that also just too much? Too similar. Sure, Jinx would often fly off the handle, or explode forward when she decided things were going too slow, but there were times where she just wanted to stay back, and remain out of the limelight.
Odd. He can see why Sebastian brought her to him, even though it was yet another cruelty to flay him even further. ]
I prefer whatever is convenient, and easy. I don't generally look for anything.
[ Silco has not embraced the inherent seductive nature of being a Vampire, unfortunately. He opened the door, to lead them outside, where the rush of the club's stuffy, drug-hazed air seems to rush out when he does so. ]
I learned a long time ago that preferences mean very little when it comes to food. It is best to eat what you can, when you can. This hasn't changed since I... [ God, what even is the word. ] Altered.
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She makes a neutral noise to his explanation, almost like she’s not really listening and is more interested in their surroundings now. That’s not it, though. She understands what he means acutely, since she’d spent decades starved just shy of death. It wasn’t like she knew anything different until later, but at the time? She had to eat whatever Amshel or Joel brought, and that was that. She doesn’t like to talk about it.
But as he pauses, she looks back to him. ]
Altered… So, you weren’t born this way.
[ It’s an important distinction to her, who was. Her gaze drifts away again, and she plays with her hair idly as Silco leads the way. ]
Do you like it? Is it better than being human?
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[ He sees no harm in it, he isn't even ashamed of it. Then again, in Silco's warped little brain, that's a point of pride to be normal and then find a way to exceed it. His voice sounds prideful when he says it. ]
I do enjoy it, though. [ He rolled a shoulder, his feet silent. It's still loud, sound echoes on the high walls, but it's emptier, less crowded. People mill about, but it's subdued compared to the inside of the club, where milling bodies seem so packed and loud. The space does a lot of heavy lifting. It also helps that the twists and hallways seem to scale up, but Draumahol was at the ground floor -- a privilege.
He turns toward a part of the small area that seems to have fewer people. He knows Kowloon's pathways like the back of his hand by now. ]
Why wouldn't I? I am faster, stronger, and I lack the weaknesses that I had as a man. I have some new ones, but between Kolwoon and Highstorm, they do not seem to cause trouble.
[ A city of night and a cave, Silco's haunts are well suited for vampirism. ]
Do most people dislike it?
brings up the magic silco trigger subject
Of course, unlike most young women who could be in those same social strata, it’s also telling that she doesn’t seem scared. It would be easy to assume it’s because she’s naïve, and that’s true, but that’s not why she isn’t scared. Anyone that would seek to take advantage should be scared of her instead. ]
Mmm…
[ She hums out a little note, and she curls her hair around her fingers more tightly. She’s the one that asked, and his question is a fair one, but… She’s not used to talking to people like this. Being honest like this. Amshel had always made it clear that she wasn’t supposed to tell people what she was, not under any circumstance, and though it doesn’t matter here, she still feels a pang of that uncertainty. ]
They do. It’s why I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but here… It’s not really the same. There’s lots of people that aren’t human. You can tell just by looking at them.
[ That had been a shock but a great relief. It’s what gave her at least the little bit of confidence to not need to pretend to be human. She pauses again, considering whether she wants to say what’s on her mind, but if he seems to like it… Maybe it’s fine, she thinks. He’d at least be on her side, probably, and she’s right. More than she could possibly know. ]
I don't know if anyone liked it. My sister killed me because she disliked it so much.
[ and like sure the lore was you can’t be dead and come to kenos but this is psl land and it’s narratively convenient!!! ]
https://i.imgflip.com/vj2v8.jpg?a479256
Ah.
[ Is all he says for a long moment. Long enough that Diva probably thinks that he isn't on her side. His lips twitch, and his eyes look everywhere but at her. Mostly, he looks up at the high ceiling, his lips flattened into a line. ]
That is her flaw.
[ He says, finally. ]
That she blames you for her shortcomings is, perhaps, the most predictable thing that a sister can do.
[ His tone turns dark as he speaks, a hiss of something in there. To be fair, Diva can likely understand it, it just sounds like weary, old hate. Left so long it has become as rotten and fetid as the scar on his face. ]
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So, his actual response is a shock.
Despite how quickly she can make her face a perfect, pretty mask, calling Saya’s decision a flaw immediately cracks it again. Her attention snaps to him instead, almost as sharply as if she’d been struck. ]
…You think so?
[ In comparison to the sharp sound of his voice, hers is softer. It’s quiet enough that it could almost be missed in the noise of the streets, but the fact that she steps a little more quickly to catch up to him rather than linger a few steps behind is telling even if it’s missed. However, there’s no subtlety with her question that’s easier to catch. ]
Do you have a sister that hates you too?
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[ He says, his tone sharp, a bark of an exhale. ]
I had someone I called brother once. He tried to do the same. Kill me, because I was inconvenient, because I was a reminder of all of his flaws.
[ It's hard to keep the bite out of his voice, and really, he doesn't try all that hard. How much did he know, about how someone you loved like a sibling could destroy you? Just like this girl, her behavior so much like... it's probably not surprising that she has been through nearly the same thing, is it? ]
He did not succeed. And suffered for it, in the end.
[ He does not remember the knife sinking into his back anymore, it's a mess of static in his brain thanks to Birdie's attempt on his memories, but he knows Vander is dead. He knows, and he knows he held a part in it.
Though perhaps he didn't do the most damage. ]
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[ She’s back to bright and bubbly, just like that. She clings to his arm again and looks up at him with a delighted laugh. It gives the impression that she agrees with his hate and that she might be living vicariously through the story, even if the truth was much darker and sadder.
Despite everything… She still loved Saya. At least, she called it love. It was messier and more desperate than that, because her life had been so unfathomably lonely that she’d wanted nothing more than her sister’s love. If even her twin sister couldn’t love her, then…
…It’s a feeling that doesn’t matter. ]
Mm, that’s pretty much what I told her, and she didn’t like it! That she was just killing me to justify her own existence… Her face was so scary!
[ But she says it airily, like she was sharing petty, vicious gossip rather than relaying the story of her own death. There’s something familiar about that too—not the story itself, but how she clings to him. She carries herself like it’s something playful, a teasing game, but the way her hands grip his arm is a little more desperate than that. ]
I told her she should just kill herself if she hated it that much. Bringing me into it was so unfair, don’t you think…?
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I don't know. It thought I did, but... [ He shook his head. ] It's gone. The memory. Someone took it here, and I don't remember what happened, other than the fact that I snuck up on him, tortured him, and then...
[ A wave of his free hand, as if it's gone. ] Don't worry, though. I made sure she died for that one too.
[ Well, handed her over to Aetós, but hey! She died in the end. ]
Really, if she wanted to put an end to her pain, taking it out on you was never going to be the path to finding what she wanted.
[ He remembered Vander's shadow more than his face, when he'd tried to kill him. He'll never forget the way hands felt on his neck, though. Asphyxiating, drowning, unable to breath through force, and the feeling of water rushing in every time he opened his mouth. ]
She should have left well enough alone. Maybe then she would have learned there was someone else who understood her, instead of tossing you aside like refuse.
[ Yep. He does understand, at least. ]
teehee :)
Her grip on his arm relaxes a little as the subtle, nervous tension eases out. He’s saying exactly what she wants to hear, and she’s weak to that. Even if he wouldn’t be her choice of person to cling to in terms of his looks, his words are nice to hear. ]
Right? But that’s my sister for you… She had everything easy, but she’d tell you she’s had the hardest life of anyone.
[ Maybe that’s a little unfair, since she knows Saya has had her struggles too, but when Diva compares it to her own life… It’s nothing. She leans her head against Silco’s shoulder with a content sigh, even so. Or rather, she ignores that unpleasant feeling, as she always does. If Silco doesn’t disappoint her, then maybe she’ll tell him about the tower, about why Saya was so, so cruel… But for now, he’s just a new, interesting stranger. She’ll indulge in the feeling, even if it ends up being fleeting. ]
That means you and I are friends now, you know?
[ Apparently, it’s as easy as that. She’s breezy and childish about it, but Silco would be fair to assume that this is still a statement with conditions. Even if he hasn’t seen it firsthand, clearly the circumstances that had put her in his charge means she’s volatile. ]
I’ve never met anyone that understands exactly what I mean about my dear sister.
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[ He says, but half of that is to diffuse the situation a little, at least mean that there are others, half because it's true, and half because... with how she leaned against his shoulder, he feels that nervous urge to twitch and move away. Normally, he would, because Silco was nothing if not someone who fought overtures of friendliness, and having someone close meant that someone could kill him. Few had made it through that armor, and someone so recently arrived leaves him with that old crawling up his spine.
He doesn't though, because on the other hand, he does understand this. Just as much as he understands her, he knows what it is to have someone as close as a sibling, who would minimize the struggle. ]
There are others, but you will find that here, there are just more of the type like your sister. [ He hisses it out, derisive. ] They won't understand it, but instead they will ask you to see how she feels. Take her side by automatic choice.
[ He thinks of how many people admired Vander upon arrival. Of course they did. Why would he expect anything different? ]
I hope you never have to deal with her here.
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…But it’s still painful. It’s a tight vice around her heart, because his words confirm all her worst biases and worries. Even this wondrous place where people like her could just be, it still had caveats. Sister was always the one that was right. Beloved. Asking her to consider how Saya feels… It’s such a cruel question to ask that she’d tear out the tongue of anyone that dared. She had before. That’s why she’s the monster, right?
So. His hope catches her a little off guard.
Diva looks up at him curiously, and the put-upon smile softens into one that gives a very innocent impression in her surprise. She’s clearly searching his expression and trying to guess at his sincerity. It’s not a sentiment she’s used to receiving, clearly. ]
Really?
[ She quickly glances away like she’s embarrassed by the vulnerability of that question. Her hands move on his arm like she’s going to pull away, but after a brush of consideration, she stays. ]
Even if I did bad things? You’d hope for that?
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Good or bad, child. It doesn't matter. [ It's a bit nihilistic. Being here, he has been too close in proximity to those he would have not even been allowed near. The types. The ones who could do nothing but justify their cruelties through a veneer of kind actions, a cover that did little to cover the harm that they did not see in their wake. Was it worse to be a monster, sloughing through the muck, crushing under their feet unwittingly, or the precise monster, who killed everything in its wake because it knew it had to?
Silco was the latter. This girl seemed the latter. The rest... they were those ignorant monsters. The kind that didn't bother to see what they did, or ignored it.
This sister of hers was likely the same. "Good". Seen as "right", when the cruelties were just as frequent, turned on an unlikable target. ]
It is the why. What drives you to do them?
[ Bad things. He knew that she didn't understand this, but how much did that remind him of his daughter? Even now, the signs of it. It's like she's a ghost haunting his every action. Even if she isn't here, his thoughts circle around that gemstone kept in his pocket — every reminder like a lance. ]
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Maybe he can hear it, though, since some vampires were attuned to one thing in particular.
Her heartrate spikes with sharp feeling. It’s anxiety, fear, and loathing because just that makes her want to do those bad things. She has the craving to tear him apart piece by piece, because it’s what she’d wanted to hear. It doesn’t matter, he says, but it always does. He calls her child, but even Amshel never did that. It’s because he doesn’t know. If she kills him first, then she can’t be disappointed when he changes his mind.
It twists up in her chest painfully. She thinks this is how people feel when they want to cry, but she hasn’t done that in decades. So… ]
It feels good.
[ Her answer is simple and cool, and it’s another strange contrast. It doesn’t feel dishonest, but more that there’s a deep pit underneath it. Maybe she doesn’t know how to express it any differently. With her heart still fluttering like she's in pain, she looks back to him with a placid, pretty smile that doesn't reach to her eyes. ]
Does it matter?
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Power.
That's what it feels like. Domination. Like being able to wrest control from an uncontrollable world. From reality that stings and writhes, chaos that needs to make sense. ]
Of course it does.
[ He says simply, he only flicked his eyes down to her, and then back to the street in front of them, Kowloon's crowded hallways ahead. ]
It's power, after all. To act, to shape things to your will. Whatever path it takes, it should feel good, if it is what you want to do.
[ Silco, it could be said, might be the worst influence on her. He smiled, a twitch of it that's almost authentic. ]
If society tells you to hide yourself, and your whims, and your wants, what society is that? If it wants to tell you that you should be less, then be transgressive, and fight against that. If it feels good, then do it. Either you will find a stronger will than your own, or they will crumple before you.
I suspect they would be crushed beneath your thumb, don't you think?
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So, she relaxes minutely, but it’s with a laugh. It’s familiar, but that includes the misunderstanding. At least for once, she can just say it. ]
You’re thinking too much about it. I just kill people because it feels better when I do. I’m not going to be changing society or anything like that. I don’t like humans, so I don’t care about them.
[ It sounds silly to her, honestly. She doesn’t want to fight against society or have people bow down to her. That’s what men like this want, and she doesn’t mind if she’s their excuse for it. That feels like some kind of decision in her head, so she hums out a pleased note and hugs his arm more tightly as she leans her head against his arm, now all warm affection. Her moods seem to change quickly. ]
But I like you! You’re the one crushing people, right? I can tell.
[ She laughs again, and it's light and breezy in a sharp contrast to her words. ]
I can help you crush them, if that's what you want.
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It was a thought experiment, though. Silco had long-been understanding that Kenos could not hold his daughter here. She was too much, too bright, too explosive, too... too...
He looked at the girl, and nodded. ]
I do wish for that.
[ He said, with a soft tone, like it is a secret he is sharing. Something private between the two of them.
A promise. ]
I want to make them all understand what it is they ignore. What they look down upon, and how strong the ignored can be, when pushed.
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…This little secret he whispers to her feels like James, she thinks. A man who wanted to prove himself to people that thought him lesser. It should probably hurt to know that he’d died at Saya’s hands too, but the feeling doesn’t come. She just looks up to Silco. She’s all sweet, saccharine innocence to the point that it’s hard to believe that there’s enough violence in her that Yura would have been upset, that Sebastian would have plucked her away for something for Silco to deal with.
That is, he’d gotten a quick read on Jinx and Silco’s relationship, clearly. ]
Then if we’ll be friends, I’ll help! I’m…
[ She laughs, glancing away again. She’d started speaking before fully knowing what to say, since she’s still wrestling with the deeply ingrained habits of not sharing secrets with “outsiders” versus whatever this new reality was. Ultimately… She only has to remind herself that she’s dead. What secrets are even worth carrying anymore? ]
Well, I’ve never been on my own, you know? So if you can look after me, that would be nice! And I’m really strong, so I can just kill anyone that you don’t like. It’s easy!
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His lips twitched, almost a smile. A ghost of one, before it's tugged back down. He so rarely smiles now, and if he does, they are false. The real ones — they are aborted before he can allow them to reach his eyes.
A part of him aches, when he looks at her. When he sees a broken reflection of Jinx before him. ]
Can you?
[ He asked.
He liked to think that he could do it on his own, but... he knew. He knew that as much as he wanted to be the monster, he was simply not a combatant. He never had been. His few brushes with it were ineffective at best. ]
And how can I look after you? It sounds like I'm hardly needed, am I?
[ Jinx still needed him. He knew she did. She was so...fragile.
Was this girl, too? ]
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And of course, there’s the detail that it’s hard for most people to believe that’s the case. Her affect is disarming, though unlike a certain demon, there’s no intentionality in that choice. Silco is getting the full experience of that, because the second question surprises her. ]
Oh...
[ She trails off melodically as she thinks about it, because she really hadn’t thought about what it meant. For the purely practical, she really doesn’t need much. Just blood to drink and a place to sleep. She liked luxury, but that was clearly something found more in Yima’s manor than down here with Silco. Yima seemed nice too, so she can guess that she wouldn’t have minded if she’d clung to the matron, but… Diva has some deeply ingrained biases. She’ll always cling to men first. She’ll always want someone like Amshel, first and foremost, because that’s exactly what he’d built up her world to be.
That darker element isn’t something she sees, though. She just thinks of Amshel and his absence, so… That, she guesses? But there is maybe a chance here to ask for something Amshel had always rejected. If Silco says no, it’s okay, she’s used to that, but it’s something a little more vulnerable, and her voice is a little softer to match it. It sounds like she’s expecting a “no”. ]
I don’t know, exactly. I just, um, really hate being alone. More than anything. [ a massive understatement ] So, if I could just pretend to be your daughter, that would be nice, I think. Something like that.
[ The way she phrases it is one sided, because that’s what she naturally expects it to be. She’s never had an experience that would say otherwise, after all. ]
puts my hand over the date
[ His hand instinctively slips into his pocket. He keeps her close — he always keeps her close, the most precious thing in the world to him. His daughter, perfect in her mania, brilliant in her mind, but so distant. Only skin-warm and barely that. Inert. Quiet. Sometimes, he wishes he could just hear her, but she's dead. Until this is over with, he can't do anything but wait for her. Deal to ensure her survival, but that's all he has.
He wants, so desperately to hold her face in his hands.
This girl is not Jinx. There are parts of her that feel like a shattered reflection of Jinx. Parts of her but not the whole. His daughter was different.
He would be furious if she was the same.
Something in his face twitches. The briefest twist of that weary, tired pain. He feels as if the day will never come. ]
You can't —
[ Replace her. No, he can't let anything slip. How many people know? Yima, Set, Sebastian. How many until she is taken away from him? If she pretends, will people not look towards his pocket, where he keeps his most precious gem?
Would he have to relive that pain of picking up her limp body over and over and over again, if he told her yes? ]
Did you have one before? A parent?
[ Better, keep it on her. He can calculate, and it will keep Jinx's condition distant. ]
luckily she's ultra blorbo and her voice will never die
That’s okay, then.
[ Her response is also immediate and it’s given before he even asks his question. It’s the “no” she expected, so she can’t feel anything about it. That’s how she compartmentalizes it, at least, because it’s a flavor of disappointment that’s perfectly familiar. His question is far more surprising than that, but the answer is also… ]
Mm, no. Never.
[ There’s another little pause as she considers sharing the story, though she quickly decides to do so. It might seem like that pause would come from hesitation because of the horror of the story, but it’s not. Rather, it’s just novel to get to share it at all. It’s a freedom she’s never really had before, because everything about her, it’s always been a secret. It feels like a childish little thrill to disobey that kind of order. ]
Sister was the one that got to have a family. I’m the one that they experimented on. What’s the word… She was the standard? Something like that?
[ “Control” is the word she’s looking for, but even if she doesn’t reach the clinical word, she probably doesn’t need to. “Experimented” says it all, even if she’s unsettlingly conversational about the topic. ]
Well, it doesn’t matter. The point is, she was the lucky one. Joel just kept me locked up in the tower to test everything they could think of. I was born there, and he didn’t even bother naming me, so I mean it when I say I don’t have a parent, you know?
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[ He says it simply. Understands it for what it is.
She was the unwanted one. The discarded one. The one they locked away to use when convenient, and what would happen when she wasn't? Her sister was the one they wanted, clearly, and oh... how did he feel about that? She says it's fine, but Silco understands her a touch better now. He won't reverse his decision (ah, but won't he?) but he now...
Perhaps there's a different role, here. Something that would be better.
He knows what it is to be discarded. ]
I know what it is, to be... the unlucky one.
[ His lips twitch. Like peeling back around a mouth full of teeth that are too much. Like a beast that snaps at any hand that comes near. ]
You are not alone, in that. [ A sigh. ] Just because I would not be a parent to you, does not mean I cannot watch over you.
[ Isn't that what a parent does? ]
There are few who would understand where you came from. Being...the one that nobody wanted.
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She looks up at him again, and her composed poise gives way to a wide-eyed, earnest look. It’s so clearly not what she expected his response to be, and her eyes search his in a way that’s much more vulnerable. There’s playing pretend, and she’s good at that. She can be the untouchable princess that wraps people around her fingers, because at least that way, she’s not alone. Being understood, though, that’s—
…All she wanted. She wants it so badly that it creates another familiar echo of the girl in Silco’s pocket. It’s a little flutter of madness in her gaze, in the way her breath catches, where there’s just too much feeling in her, and it’s all contradictory. It’s distrust, grief, anger, and so much else that she doesn’t even know all its parts, but her immediate impulse is to want to tear him into pieces over it. Killing a sliver of hope herself had always felt better than an inevitable disappointment.
She’d snap too. With how her deceptively delicate hands hold his arm a little tighter for a moment, it seems like she just might. But right before instinct might kick in to tell him to pull away from this dangerous girl (and prove those disappointments right), she breaks the spell herself as she looks down again to hide her face against his arm. That tight grip may be strong, but it just feels like she’s clinging for dear life. ]
That’s right. No one wanted me. I'm just a monster.
[ It’s still uncanny, though, because when she speaks, her voice is clear. Her body language might as well be shouting about pain, like she’d be crying into his sleeve, but there’s nothing like that. Even looking at her face shows completely dry eyes and a blank expression, like she’s not sure what she’s supposed to be showing. ]
Would you?